Rachel meets with Jeremiah and Joey, who comes bearing candles. Why? Who knows. She doesn't seem very excited. You know who is? Jeremiah. He suggests that Rachel start her own line of home accents. Again, she doesn't seem very into it. This seems like an offhand comment on the part of Jeremiah, but I like to think of it as the beginning of the end. But for now, he's busily preparing for his shoot. Of course, this is being preempted by the fact that The Zoe doesn't feel it necessary to include him in any of the prepping. She's sending Joey the emails. Are we surprised? No, we are not. Jeremiah admits to being a little butt hurt about the whole thing and who can blame him? He's so frazzled he's wearing a ragged sweater and knit hat, which Joey appropriately deems to be very "MK and Ashley" and I suppose this is no longer a good thing? Was it ever? I don't understand fashion.
But Jeremiah: so excited. He dies. Then Joey gets an email with the PDF files for the shoot. Jeremiah: so crushed. He wonders aloud why he isn't being added to any of these emails. Joey is like, "Bitch how dare you ask Rachel to do anything.? Shut up! You have some nerve to want to be CC'd on emails pertaining to your job assignment! You selfish whore, she is pregnant!" etc. Then he gives Jeremiah a ton of overwhelming and bizarre advice like, "Don't react to anything she says." Okay... Mandana shows up later to give him some less than encouraging support. I mean, "At least you got asked to go!" is true, but is it really helpful? Not really.
The next day, Joey and Rachel are on their way to the shoot being typical Joey and Rachel. Joey comments on Rachel's hooker heels at 37 weeks pregnant and she's like, "What? They're wedges". Duh, Joey. Duh. Meanwhile, Jeremiah is busy totally misplacing tons of designer jewelry. Oops! But then he finds them within about two minutes. There goes all those dramatic and misleading commercials, sheesh. At the shoot, The Zoe gives Joey camera duties because he's the only one "responsible enough" to handle it. She says, right in front of Jeremiah. Ouch. Thus continues the downward spiral of Jer's fashion career.
The rest of the shoot goes kind of like this:
Jeremiah: Frazzled!
Rachel: I love you soooo much, Joey!
Joey: I am funny! I make Rachel smile!
Rachel: OMG Joey, you're the only person here I love!
Jeremiah: Crying!
Joey: Ha! Hahaha! Hahahaha!
Rachel: JOEY!
Jeremiah: Suicidal!
In other words, it's not pretty. Jeremiah knows his only prayer of keeping this job with Rachel is to find a real place within the company and this shoot has left him the odd man out. Poor Jeremiah. Even a girl as big as The Zoe only has room for one token gay BFF. In distress, he consults Marisa, who is apparently Director of Operations even though I don't remember her at all. Jeremiah wants to discuss his future. He knows he's been all over the place at Rachel Zoe, Inc. But he doesn't want to be all over the place! He wants to head up Rachel Zoe Home, which is a division he just made up. Ballsy! I mean, I get that home decor is his thing, but it's a pretty bold move to suggest that they launch an entirely new line of products so that he has something to do. The woman is about to go on maternity leave, Jeremiah. Chill the fuck out. Marisa is like, "Uhhhhh." She says that a home line is in the grand plan of RZ, Inc, but definitely not soon on the timeline. But she'll "get back to him," which we all know means no.
And what's The Zoe doing while Jeremiah plots his own doom? Well, she's styling herself for when she goes into labor, obviously. See, she has this long Chanel duster cardigan that will be perfect for the hospital trip. And she tells Joey that he'll obviously be doing her makeup. She wants a red lip. Obviously. You know what I think? I think this woman doesn't realize that she's going to be pushing a person out of her vagina, that's what I think. Joey is horrified that she's going to have to wear a - gasp! - hospital gown. He actually whispers it. They're so ugly, you know? Seriously, people. Person, out of the vagina? No? Nothing? Okay. There's all this bullshit about how she has the perfect life and it's her reward for working so hard or some garbage, but I tuned it out halfway through.
Because she's so perfect and lucky, The Hollywood Reporter is doing something on stylists and wants Rachel on the cover. Even though she's nearly 40 weeks pregnant, The Zoe cannot pass this up. As Joey puts it, this is her first magazine cover, "like, for something good." I have to admit, she looks pretty nice. I mean, her face still looks haggard as shit, but she's wearing these vintage gowns and has this big, cute pregnant belly. And with Joey's help, her hair looks fabulous. She says she's "so lucky" to be able to go through her entire pregnancy without needed maternity clothes, and I guess that's easy to do when you start at 46 pounds. She grew into a size 10, you guys! It's so big! Thank God, it's a baby and not like, fat. Ew.
Rodger also joins in on the photo shoot and he is wearing the peace sign necklace. Why is he doing that? What is wrong with them? This peace sign necklace will be the death of me. Speaking of death, it's time for Jeremiah's dreams to die. Rodger meets with Marisa and they agree that they aren't ready for a home line and this leaves Jeremiah essentially useless. Rachel is quite upset at the thought of letting him go, but she's too tired and pregnant to deal with the decision and leaves it in Rodger's hands. Rodger's hands decide to wave bye-bye to Jeremiah. In a short, sort of heartbreaking meeting, Rodger tells Jeremiah that he's "basically fooling himself" about wanting to be a stylist (ouch) and that he's great at home decor in a company that doesn't do home decor. Which leaves him...fired. There are a few uncomfortable moments where Jer tries to defend himself, but it's kind of sad. Stop it, Jeremiah. You don't have a chance. And so, his styling hopes and dreams crumble to dust while off in the distance, the high-pitched cackle of a New York hairdresser can be heard, echoing, "I won, that's so major!" into the night. And Jeremiah gives Rodger a final, empty and sad puppy face, to no avail.
