Did any of you watch the Real Housewives of DC? No? Me either. But I'm sure you all heard about Tareq and Michaele Salahi
, the world's most desperate and ridiculous couple? They're the ones who gate-crashed a party at the White House. Then, at the Real Houswives reunion special, they pranced around on Planet Salahi, completely immune to Andy Cohen's questioning about, you know, violating Homeland Security? And then the RHoDC show actually got cancelled, so Michaele recorded a single entitled "Bump It," which includes the lyrics “I’m so hot and, like, you’re so not.” Right? Them. Good times. I like to think of them as Speidi 
in 20 years. 
Well, just when you thought this couple couldn't possibly get any more pathetic, they so have. Just today, reports that Michaele had been kidnapped hit the press. Tareq was a mess, you guys. He reported her missing to police after not seeing her for more than a day. The big clue? She missed a hair appointment. IMPOSSIBLE. Something must be amiss! Then Tareq gets a weird phone call from Michaele from an unknown number, saying she was on the way to her mother's house. Her mother denied that this was true, stating she hadn't heard from her daughter. Bizarre!Then it got super weird. Local police start to receive calls from Michaele herself, saying she was having "family issues" and she wouldn't be around for a while. Tareq, convinced that these calls are being made under duress, files a missing persons report. The Internet is a-buzz. Twitter is blowing up with distress messages from Michaele's management. It's all...strange. And then it actually gets stranger.
TMZ has just broken the news that Michaele is just fine. She wasn't kidnapped at all, you guys! She just ran off with former boyfriend and Journey
guitarist Neal Schon
. This has been confirmed by a Journey rep, who says that she was not abducted - she's happily rocking out in Memphis on the Journey/Foreigner tour. Oh my God, seriously. Seriously. I cannot make this shit up. Best story ever!