Jeremiah, meanwhile, is trying to cope. Rodger shows him around the ridiculously big, beautiful house they have purchased and puts Jeremiah to the task of decorating and furnishing the entire thing. All 7,000 square inches of it. (Jeremiah: "This staircase is bigger than my house!") Oh, and they are moving from a tiny apartment, so they need almost all new furniture. Oh, and it's happening in ten days. No biggie! Poor Jer looks like he's going to have a nervous breakdown and maybe barf all over Rodger, which I think would be awesome, but he's got a brain in that cute little head of his. He knows this is a test. Now that is Joey in California, he needs to establish his place in this company somewhere, or he will be bye bye. With his background in interior design, he sees this as an opportunity to prove his value to Rodger and Rachel. He offers a few suggestions and Rodge is like, look I do not care what the fuck you do, this is your problem. And oh my God, he is still wearing the peace sign necklace!! Rodger! Stop dressing like Eddie Vedder circa 1996! You are such a tool!
Back at the Zoe apartment, Rachel meets with Joey and Jeremiah. Joey eyes Jeremiah like a cat, trying to decide whether he wants to eat him or like, ya know, eat him. It's kind of weird. Jeremiah presents himself confidently, but you can tell he's inwardly freaking out. Joey and Rachel have such a history and such a nice rapport, it leaves him looking like a third wheel. Rachel stresses how important the house decorating project is and Joey wishes him the best, but it's kind of like when Regina George says, "OMG I love your bracelet!" you know? Poor Jeremiah. Joey gives him helpful advice like sing-songing, "Don't mess uh-up!" and man, I think that Joey is secretly the world's biggest mean girl. Yikes.
It doesn't get much better for Jeremiah. Rachel gets a call for a last minute styling shoot. Normally, she woudln't take it, but it's a promotional shoot for Kim Kardashian's new fragrance and Rachel's not mentally retarded. You always do the Kardashian shoot. Duh. The thing is, it's in 24 hours and they need to get everything together stat. Emergency call to Joey, who swings by to get Jeremiah, who doesn't quite understand what "emergency" means in Zoeville. He's not ready. He has to throw on an outfit quickly and this normally wouldn't be a big deal, but he is trying to be a professional stylist and all. They leave in a rush and he hates what he's wearing. Rachel greets them and immediately tells Joey how cute he looks. Joey looks triumphant. Jeremiah looks devastated.
They discuss the Kim K shoot and Rachel tells Jeremiah to just follow Joey's lead in picking out accessories, because he knows her taste so well. Triumphant and devastated looks number two. Then the crushing blow: because this shoot is at a house location, she has to keep her team tight and can only bring one of them along. Joey couldn't look more smug. "This is a no-brainer," he tells the camera, as Jeremiah weeps silently in the corner.
They discuss the Kim K shoot and Rachel tells Jeremiah to just follow Joey's lead in picking out accessories, because he knows her taste so well. Triumphant and devastated looks number two. Then the crushing blow: because this shoot is at a house location, she has to keep her team tight and can only bring one of them along. Joey couldn't look more smug. "This is a no-brainer," he tells the camera, as Jeremiah weeps silently in the corner.
Joey and Jeremiah hit the town and start pulling accessories for the shoot. The shoot has a Valentine's Day theme and Joey proceeds to grab every pair of red shoes on the planet, exclaiming, "These! These! And OMG these, these are maj, we have to have these!" I think "maj" means major. I don't know. I'm only semi-fluent in Fashion Industry Gay. I live in Miami, where it's mostly Drunken Dancer Gay. Jeremiah thinks he is grabbing the ugliest shit ever. He quietly suggests they bring a variety of options and not just 500 pairs of tacky red hooker heels, but Joey is like, "bitch please!"
Speaking of bitches, Rodger drops the bomb on Rachel that he's going to Vegas with his friends for the Super Bowl. Rachel? Is pii-iiised. She does not like that he wants to leave her at home, eight months pregnant, to spend the whole day "drinking Bloody Marys" with his friends. For real, kind of a dick move. But seriously...um, Bloody Marys? All day? On Super Bowl Sunday? Beer, Rodger. You drink beer. On Super Bowl Sunday, you hang out with your boys and you have nachos and chicken wings and potato chips and onion dip and you drink beer. Joan Collins has a Bloody Mary, but you are not Joan Collins. You are a man. Seriously, what is wrong with him?! What guy drinks Bloody Marys all day during the big game? With the little celery stick? Seriously? He and his peace sign necklace and his Bloody fucking Marys, oh my God.
Meanwhile, back in the Thunderdome, things are not looking good for Jeremiah. He and Joey get a call from the Zoe and find out that she's chosen Joey for the shoot because he "dies for Kim K." Don't we all? Jeremiah looks like someone has just killed one thousand puppies in front of his very eyes. Joey actually says, “I'm really proud of you, Rach. You made the best decision ever!” Wow. Boys, take note: do not compete with Joey the hair and makeup guy. What a prick. He smiles like the Cheshire Cat and Jeremiah goes home, probably to update his resume.
And then, instantly, Joey makes me like him again. As they arrive at the shoot, Rachel looks down at herself. She's wearing a massive fur coat, natch, and she says, "I look like a pimp." Is she honestly just realizing that she dresses like the lead in a 1970s blacksploitation movie? Anyway, Joey is all, "Does that make me your hoe?" Joey, stop making me like you.
Jeremiah: buys furniture. Cue the violins.
Rachel comes home and puts on the very practical outfit of tights, mini skirt, fur vest and black stilettos, because that's what every woman who is eight months pregnant wears for a casual dinner with her family. Rachel's sister arrives and the Zoe thinks they're all going out to dinner, but sis actually takes them to a doula. Why? Well, the baby is due in like a month and they literally have no baby plan. Idiots. So, Zoe looks like a pregnant prostitute and the doula thinks she's a moron and Rodger flat out tells this woman that she's a scam. It all goes so well! They fight in front of the doula, they fight in the car on the way home. Rodger doesn't like that Rachel is micromanaging a company while she's about to have a baby (good point) and Rachel doesn't like that he is a “cranky ass bitch” (also good point). They seem to be making a big deal about this fight, but doesn't every couple about to have their first baby freak out and bicker? I don't know. They're both acting like shit heads, but they have a lot going on. It's natural the stress will make them both difficult. Stop trying to create drama, Bravo! This is dumb. You're both ass faces, the end. No one cares. Next week, they will continue to be assy and Jeremiah will finish the house...or Joey will knock him down the stairs and make it look like an accident. Both are possibilities.
