Lindsay Lohan Wreaks Havoc On New York Fashion Week

If you know me (do people who don't know me read this blog?) then you might have heard my Lindsay Lohan story. Many years ago - let's just say NSync was still a band - I ran into her at a hotel on South Beach. This was back in the days when she had red hair, color in her cheeks, all her real teeth and a clean criminal record. Sigh, memories. She was, however, on her way to Trash Town. I remember her stumbling into the hotel (it looked like she was fresh from the beach) with then-boyfriend Wilmer Valderama, wearing not much more than hoochie shorts and a see-through wet t-shirt. The lobby of the hotel was packed and there was a massive wait for the elevator. Well, Ms. Lohan took one look at the crowd, stomped her feet and exclaimed - and I quote - "Fuuuuuuu-uuuuuck."  It was a beautiful diva moment. I'll never forget the group of pre-teen girls next to me, whispering furiously, "Lindsay Lohan just said 'fuck'". Hilarious to think that was once scandalous.

So yes, a moderately amusing story. You know what I wish was my Lindsay Lohan story? Anything that has happened at this year's Fashion Week, where she is apparently on a bender of ridiculous behavior. Her first appearance at Fashion Week that really made a scene was when she hustled into the Cynthia Rowley show, shoving her way to the front row accompanied by security and what looked to be a pirate. Seriously, look at him. Is he an actual pirate? According to the Fug Girls, who were covering the event, the crowd initially went a-buzz because everyone thought it was Donatella Versace. It was not. It was a girl in her twenties. Holy cow, guys, she looks bad. Emaciated, straw-like bleached extensions, a crispy leather-skinned tan and this weird wrap thing with itty-bitty orange shorts. I mean, not that she isn't fabulous, but who honestly wants to be mistaken for Donatella freaking Versace? She looks 700 years old, for Christ's sake. The press went so nuts, a man jumped onto the runway (a big no-no!) and then had his camera confiscated.  Leatherface, you cause such a scene!

Then Tuesday night Paper magazine and Nine West were throwing a party and Lindsay - I know, you're shocked - caused a ruckus. A man, who I presume is a photographer, was taking pictures (as they do) and Lilo was not pleased. She started a commotion, yelling at him to "Delete those pictures! Delete them right now!" and then, in a special moment of high class, called someone else in the press a C-U-Next-Tuesday when they dared to brush her shoulder as they walked past. Nice. Nine West's people? Also not pleased.

I feel like I'm on a very unique and possibly crabs-infested game show right now, because wait! There's more!  At last night's V Magazine Black and White Ball, Lindsay and her pirate companion were sitting in an isolated section of the club. Seemingly unprovoked, Lindsay stood up and chucked her drink over the wall, hitting and soaking a waitress.  Lindsay wailed in dismay at her bad aim, "Not you! Him!" and pointed to an unknown man. Later, she trolled around the club, tossing French fries at people, punching an innocent bystander and staying silent to the press. Well honestly, what's she gonna say to them? "Yo, fuck off, I'm wasted"? I mean, really. Then an unnamed woman, who was sitting very close to Lindsay and her swashbuckling buddy, got carried away in a stretcher after she was cut with glass and began to profusely bleed, putting a halt to the whole party. No actual confirmation if Lilo was involved in that but, hey, let's just blame her anyway, okay?

So, clearly, these are better Lindsay Lohan stories than mine. I think it's really clear to us, and to the good state of California,, that she's definitely staying sober and working hard on that community service. See how hard she's trying!? Those judges are just big meanie-faces. Boo on them.

By the way, this post is dedicated to one of my good friends who is having a hard time because her neighbor is, much like Lindsay, a busted up druggie lunatic who loves to make noise at all hours. This dear friend also has her own blog (shameless plug alert!) which, instead of blathering on about useless garbage like some people *cough* she actually posts useful stuff like delicious and healthy recipes. You should check her out. And egg her neighbor's car, if you get the chance.