After everything going on lately with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
, I’m glad to say that this episode was pretty harmless, for the most part. It wasn’t until the last ten minutes or so that we ventured back into the Taylor Armstrong Land of Pain, where Bravo insists on reminding us of real life tragedy. Note to Bravo: I know it’s called “Real Housewives” and all, but we don’t want it to be this real. We just want to laugh at silly women, okay? Okay. Get it together.
, I’m glad to say that this episode was pretty harmless, for the most part. It wasn’t until the last ten minutes or so that we ventured back into the Taylor Armstrong Land of Pain, where Bravo insists on reminding us of real life tragedy. Note to Bravo: I know it’s called “Real Housewives” and all, but we don’t want it to be this real. We just want to laugh at silly women, okay? Okay. Get it together. So yes, the less painful. Kyle and her family are moving into her new house, which is much more impressive on the inside than it is on the outside. I mean, I know this sounds ridonkulous, but I just…wasn’t too impressed? Especially when you compare it to Adrienne Maloof’s or Lisa Vanderpump’s homes (or closets, for that matter). It just didn’t seem too spectacular to me. Then again, she seems elated, which is nice to see. Plus, it’s 7,000 square feet, which is approximately 6,000 square feet bigger than my own apartment, so who the hell am I to judge?
Camille Grammer, in contrast, is up in Vale, Colorado where she is getting ready to sell her home in (cue giggles) Beaver Creek. Apparently, her divorce settlement with Kelsey has forced her to give up quite a few properties, so she’s invited all the girls for a two-day ski trip before she puts it on the market. Here’s a redundant and obvious statement: Kelsey Grammer is a dick.
The women have So. Much. Luggage. It’s two days! Honestly, I am a notorious “just in case” packer, meaning, I always bring extra pairs of socks, jeans, shoes, underwear – just in case. I bring warm clothes and cool clothes as options – just in case. I even bring a first aid kit. It’s just how I roll. But these women? Holy crap, that’s a lot of luggage. The Maloof is bringing three suitcases, but two of them are just shoes, obviously. The Maloof also seems alarmingly nervous about leaving Paul with the kids and dogs for just two days. Has he literally never taken care of them? Yikes.
Lisa is also leaving her child (Giggy), which I am thrilled about because I cannot take another week of watching him eat off the table. I just cannot. There is much to do about getting the women together, the drivers, the luggage, the airport, and all the fun of traveling in a group. Lisa is a bit of a militant traveler, constantly acting like a school teacher and pushing the ladies to stay on schedule. I would make fun of that, but I can’t because it’s exactly how I am when I travel. Seriously, ask any of my friends. I’m the worst.
The trip? It seems fairly enjoyable. They talk, they drink, they laugh, they ski, Camille spends a good amount of time making fun of Kelsey (Ha! Take that, you hairy-backed cheater!) and Kim fights through bronchitis by acting like the same childlike nutter she always is. Lisa wears what she describes as a Dr. Zhivago
faux fur hat and coat and is hurt that no one comments on how amazing it is. Maybe that’s because Camille thinks she looks like a poodle. But generally, good times, no drama. Yay!
faux fur hat and coat and is hurt that no one comments on how amazing it is. Maybe that’s because Camille thinks she looks like a poodle. But generally, good times, no drama. Yay!But then, Taylor and Kyle decide to relax in the jacuzzi. And by “relax,” I mean “discuss the downward spiral that is Taylor’s life while she cries a lot.” It gets pretty awful in these last minutes, leading up to what seems to be a total meltdown on next week’s show. Taylor tells Kyle she is working through her marriage mainly out of fear. The thought of being alone terrifies her. It’s like “a vacancy in her heart.” She mentions how she didn’t get married until age 34 and how she’s already spent “a lifetime” alone and the idea of doing it again overwhelms her. As a single 31 year old, I think I’d rather spend a lifetime alone than endure what she seems to be suffering, but I suppose I’m stating the obvious, no?
Taylor is in tears as she hedges around the root of the actual problem (which we now know is, among other things, domestic abuse) and Kyle seems skeptical of how worth the trouble Russell is at this point. She notes, rather astutely, that things are beyond wrong for Taylor, who is not sleeping and looks dangerously thin. This whole thing is like watching a car accident in reverse. Sigh. I would like to say next week lightens up again, but the Coming Soons are all about Taylor. And so, the grim tale of the Beverly Hills housewives (who are all too real) shall go on.