Last night's episode of The Bachelorette: The Men Rehash All The Shit We've Seen Fifty Times, viewers got a super exciting extendo-trailer for the Pad, and boy was it a doozy. Among the returning contestants are Justin "Rated R" Rego, the entertainment wrestler who runs away from the camera when things get rough, Michelle Money, who wakes up with mysterious black eyes, Kasey Kahl, who just wants to guard and protect your heart, and Ashley's most recent send-off Ames Brown.
Not a bad start. But the real draw is of course the surprise reunion of Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi. Two of the most loathsome people to ever grace your television, back again to make us laugh, cry and throw up a little in our mouths. I love it. In the trailer, Jake seems genuinely baffled that people have a not-so-nice opinion of him. Now, how on Earth did that happen? In typical Bachelor fashion, the season premiere next Monday is like, fourteen hours long, so they better pack in the drama. If you're curious, ABC has helpfully created a chronological hook-up chart, where they track the spread of herpes from patient X all the way to poor, poor Ames. You can read all about it and then destroy a couple of braincells by watching the trailer here: