Because I didn't watch the ridiculous MTV VMA pre-show (I just can't deal with a man who calls himself Sway, alright?) I missed this incredibly icky video of Justin Bieber
and his "pet snake" named "Johnson." I was definitely better off having not seen it. But hey, now you can share in my agony as this awkward young boy (he's almost 12 now, right?) makes about four penis jokes in a row, embarrassing the crap out of his girlfriend Selena Gomez. Unrelatedly, I saw Monte Carlo
, liked it, and you can just shut your mouth about it, okay?But yes, here is Justin and his snake. Watch as he shoves it at poor Selena, who is half-giggling and half-mortified as she pushes him away, giving us a sneek peek into their date nights. Personally, if I were his girlfriend, I'd be more upset about those red pants than the lame dick jokes - I mean, every teenage boy is allowed a "look at my big Johnson" every now and then, but no teenage boy should wear red pants.
Okay, fine, they're a little cute. A little. Maybe. I still wish he'd refrain from referring to his bathing suit parts in public, though.