There's only five bitches left on America's Next Top Model All Stars and they are really starting to drink the haterade. Still in Greece are Angelea, Laura, Allison, Dominique and Lisa. Lisa continues to be wretched and Angelea still maintains that perfect balance of self loathing child and super bitch. Laura, in a rare moment of wisdom, notes that Angelea needs to believe in herself more because the moment you begin to show self-doubt is the moment it all goes downhill. They get home and the Tyra Mail mysteriously reads, "Tomorrow you will meet with the judges," and that's it. Oooh, spooky. What does it mean? the models wonder. Laura says it's the "most scariest" Tyra Mail they've ever received. Sigh.
The following day, the most scariest thing ever ends up not being very scary. Unless you count the way Miss Jay is dressed, which is somewhere between a Greek goddess and a potato sack. The ladies are having a mock casting call, except they have to critique each other. Laura, who is getting a lot of air time all of a sudden, thinks this is going to be a train wreck. The most scariest train wreck ever! But it starts out nice enough. Dominique likes that Laura is a country bumpkin with some white girl sass. Well put! However, it doesn't take long for the claws to come out. Lisa, who is having one hell of a good hair day for once, is dressed like a hooker circa 1989. That's me saying that, not one of the contestants, FYI. Angelea thinks Lisa's walk is busted. Lisa thinks Allison lacks confidence. Lisa thinks Dominique's attitude is bad and shows. Angelea thinks Dominique is trying too hard to be edgy, to the point that she stumbles. This one is actually true - Dominique gets a little overzealous with a hair flip and wobbles in her heels.
Next, they evaluate each other's portfolios and for the most part, it seems honest and fair. Miss Jay can't have that, so she asks each girl to name the least talented model. How very Seacrest of you, Miss Jay! Ever diplomatic, Laura and Allison decline to name anyone. Hell, even Lisa refuses to give an answer, and she's a straight up lunatic. But then there's Dominique. Oh, Dominique. She feels like Angelea doesn't have what it takes. After three models stay quiet, this comes off as a slap in the face. But Dominique charges on. Angelea lacks confidence, but she reminds Dominique of herself! And she loves Angelea, she really does! She loves her! I know, because she says it like 15 times. Dominique becomes emotional, choking up as she demands that Angelea "bring it" and it's really weird, seriously. Miss Jay is like, WTF? Angelea feels attacked. Where the hell is this coming from? she wonders and declares the whole thing unprofessional.
Then it gets really awkward. Laura joins in, also nearly in tears as she tells Angelea how much she believes in her. Lisa adds that Angelea is so guarded that she reacts badly to anything (truth) and she does lack confidence. Angelea doesn't want to hear it, okay? She just doesn't. Out of the remaining five, she's struggled the most and she doesn't need anyone to tell her anything! Ever! She doesn't ever want to hear words, ever again! No more talking! As she articulately puts it, she hears what they're saying but she isn't trying to hear it. Well, alright then. Only Allison is quiet through this entire exchange, which Miss Jay eventually puts a stop to. Hey, you asked for it, sister. Miss Jay invites Angelea to speak next and, oh man. She doesn't even bother trying to participate in the challenge. She just yells. Laura tries to get through to her, but Angelea - you guessed it - doesn't want to hear it. She storms out with a "Y'all bitches! Fuck all y'all! You can kiss my ass!" and then calls them all stupid, dumbass bitches because she is obviously more professional than Dominique.
Miss Jay, who is showing WAY too much thigh, goes after her and gives some comforting words. If they're all focused on Angelea, who has the power? Good point, now put some pants on. Angelea goes back inside and declares that none of the other contestants deserve to be there. Even though this has gone way too far, Miss Jay asks them all to fill out a score sheet. Allison is declared to be the weakest, which surprises Angelea. She wonders why she was attacked if she isn't the weakest and dubs them all "hating ass bitches." So eloquent! Allison feels like a turd. The strongest model is Laura. It's all very sweet until Lisa says they all voted her strongest because she's the least threatening. Damn, they are hating ass bitches.
Miss Jay thinks they all deserve some pampering, so they're taken out VIP style on "Greek socialite" Twylem Pyper's yacht. Is she a thing? What a ridiculous name. My new name is Shyleye, just so you know. All the girls swim. Allison endearingly holds her nose and Dominique belly flops. Later, they go clubbing. Twylem? She's a total drynk. Shot after shot after shot she guzzles and she keeps pushing booze on the models as well. Allison throws them over her shoulder when Twylem isn't looking. Lisa abstains completely because her sponsor would be super pissed if she didn't. It's actually respectable until she says, "No one has a better head on their shoulders than me." Um, you killed it, honey. You might as well be wasted, saying that shit. Angelea sits there the entire time with a stank look on her face (because they be hating ass bitches).
The following Tyra Mail...is blank. Tyra is so cryptic this week! Mr. Jay is waiting for them on a beautiful cliff and he asks them what comes to mind when they think of ancient Greece. I'm fairly certain they hear crickets, but the answer is the Olympics. They will be using fashion accessories that recreate some of the ancient Olympic games. Nigel Barker appears as their photographer and he wants them to embody that "classic athleticism" that Greek culture is all about. Dominique's job is to enact the javelin, which she can't even pronounce. She doesn't do very well. Allison looks stunning and has to use a purse as a discus. She starts out very awkwardly but ends up pulling it off. Lisa's been assigned the hurdles and she's not very happy about it. She's already jumped in two photoshoots and is afraid she'll be criticized for it. Because of this, she holds back. Nigel yells at her. There's like, some weird sexual tension between Lisa and Nigel, you guys. Ew. Anyway, he convinces her to jump. She jumps. It's fine. Laura, who looks incredible, has the bow and arrow. It's a great shoot, even with a beaded mask over her face. Lastly, we have Angelea who has a very lackluster outfit on. She looks way less glamourous than the others. Additonally, she sucks. Her Olympic event is the shot put (throwing that heavy ball thing) and she forgets to do things like look good and face the camera. Total fail. That night, Tyra Mail brings a skull and crossbones to announce that only four will remain. Whoever's in charge of these needs to chill the fuck out.
Everyone is pretty nervous. Dominique mentions that the last time Nigel was her photographer, she was eliminated from Cycle 10. Angelea and Allison both know they didn't do well. Despite her fear, Allison does alright at panel. Lisa's hurdle jumps look graceful and not crazy for once. The judges love it. Dominique's photo is weak. Nigel defends her (she's on one foot on a rocky cliff in heels) but no one likes it. Angelea'a photo receives mixed reactions, while Laura's gets glowing reviews. Laura's photo is determined to be the best while Dominique and Angelea are in the bottom two. Dominique is deemed unmemorable while the judges are concerned about Angelea's rage issues. How will she handle the pressure? What if she goes apeshit on Mario Lopez during an Extra interview? Maybe they think that might actually be a good thing, though, because it's Dominique who's sent packing.
Winning photo:
