Kim Zolciak's "Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding" Is Actually A Thing That's Happening In Real Life

So, a while back I posted the news that Kim Zolciak of the Real Housewives of Atlanta was getting her own spin-off series on Bravo. And lo, it's true. Sigh. The series will embarrassingly be called Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, which is not really all that clever of a title. At least it doesn't have any annoyingly extraneous punctuation in it like Bethenny Getting Married? did. But, then again, it's starring Kim Zolciak, so. There's that.

The show, according to a Bravo press release, will be thirty minutes long and focus on Kim's life leading up to her 11/11/11 wedding to Atlanta Falcons Defensive End Kroy Biermann. Fans can enjoy stupid wastes of time like watching Kim try to lose those last few pounds before the wedding (I'm being really nice here and not saying a word) and find the perfect wig dress. How joyous!

Kim herself says, "I am so excited to give an up close and personal look at the next chapter in my life...My life has turned into a true Cinderella story and to watch the pieces unfold is going to be great! I can't wait to share with all of you!"

Um.

No, really?

A true Cinderella story? Oh, right, it totally is! I love that part in Cinderella where she's the kept woman of a married man! And she gets to live in a mansion? And she has to endure horrible hardships like ridiculously expensive spa treatments, diamond jewelry, luxury cars and cross-country flights to get her hair done. Disney left that out of the kids' movie, but it's totally in the original fairy tale, FYI. Kim knows. She's really well-read.

Seriously, here's the deal: Bethenny Frankel resonates with fans because she's truly worked hard to achieve her place in life. She started out on the Real Housewives of New York City as a single woman, barely scraping by. Now she's a bazillionaire, a wife and a mother. That's why women admire her. They want to be her. That's why her crappy advice books do so well and why she sells out auditoriums to tell the same stories over and over again. Kim Zolciak may have fallen in love (and honestly, that's nice) but it's hard to imagine her connecting with fans in the same way. She's mostly a joke.

Besides, they should have called the series Trash Box, Hooker, Wig if they wanted my support.