In a hilarious on-screen battle between the legal department and the editing department, we see Chris and Matthew having breakfast and "pouring out some Cap'n Crunch" for their fallen homie Carlos while the Cap'n Crunch box is blurred out. We know what you are eating!! Meanwhile, Sally and Orlando are making pancakes in the other apartment. Did Orlando move into the girls' room? Maybe he and Sally have sleepovers and talk about boys and cupcakes. Sally is saying how, after watching the first season of Just Desserts, she was afraid everyone would hate each other but she hasn't really hated anyone. Before I can even open my mouth to yell at the television, Orlando is like, "Uh, I think you're forgetting Katzie." Yeah. Yeah you are, Sally.
Final Quickfire Challenge! Gail is waiting in the kitchen with savory chef Suzanne Goin. She's a James Beard award winner, but not a pastry chef. Confusion! Gail tells them that they are "going international" and also jumping straight into their Elimination Challenge. So...not the final Quickfire after all! Pressure! The chefs have to prepare a dessert based on an international dish. They don't actually get to choose a dish, just a country. Chris chooses France, Orlando picks Spain, Matthew grabs Italy and Sally goes Cuban. I kind of expected her to choose something Asian, but she's apparently worked in a restaurant here in Miami and knows some Cuban desserts. Unfortunately for her, she can't make one - their challenge is to make a dessert that looks exactly like an entree from their country.
Oh and by the way, Gail also mentions that they have a full table of savory chefs waiting for them, including Iron Chef Cat Cora. Oh dear. Chris and Sally are both pretty flummoxed. Matthew decides on manicotti and Orlando insanely decides to do a paella. Seriously, that's insane. Have you ever seen a paella? Orlando's out of his GD mind. I would like to also say that this challenge is back to my worst nightmare again, which is food that looks like one thing and tastes like another. First I was traumatized by sweet gravy foam with Ad-Rock, then I had to suffer through gross pastry sliders last week. Now I have to look at desserts that are shaped like seafood and pasta? You remember I can't even eat a Choco Taco, right? Ugh. Gross, Top Chef.
Orlando is not worried about his insane paella idea. He went to Spain five years ago after his family stopped speaking to him when he came out. According to Orlando, in his native home the Virgin Islands, everyone thinks that "gay" means "transsexual" and everyone disowned him because they thought he wore women's clothing. Yikes. I know it might be a tad insensitive, but I have to point out that while we are getting this entire story, we're watching Orlando roll round fruit around in juice. Essentially, he is caressing balls. I'm just saying. It's not me, it's the editors!
It takes Sally and Chris nearly the first full hour to decide what to make. Sally is torn between two ideas and decides to try both while Chris opts for a play on beef Wellington. My future husband Johnny Iuzzini comes in and points out that beef Wellington is not actually French, it's English. Chris is like, "Oh, it is? Oh well!" and decides to make it anyway. Why is that allowed? You can choose China and decide to make a pizza. But my future husband just winks at him (??) and then explains to the camera that it's very hard to make desserts look like savory dishes and the chefs will really have to think outside the box to make it work. Chris is thinking outside his entire assigned country to make it work, but hey.
Matthew is pretty confident about his manicotti. Orlando feels a bit intimidated by Chris because he's so creative, but he only says this after Johnny prods him. Orlando admits that Johnny's criticism was hard to take at first but he has finally learned to listen to him and use his comments to grow as a chef. Plus, he's super hot, am I right, Orlando? I mean, am I right?! Then Johnny meets with Sally and he's...weird. He's all, "How do you feel? Are you tired? Are you stressed out?" I mean, is she pregnant? That was odd. Stop being a creeper, future husband. Sally is leaning toward a Cuban sandwich, but she's still being wishy washy about it. Johnny is like, BUT HOW WILL YOU FINISH NO PRESSURE OKAY!? and maybe Johnny Iuzzini needs to lie down. Sally finally decides to just go with the sandwich. Chris meanwhile is still working on his not-French beef Wellington. He says he's making this dish because it means a lot to him. He made it for his parents when he got back from culinary school. Did he...not know the origin of his special dish?
Day one ends and Sally shows us her Sprint phone for a while and talks to her mom. The next morning, Orlando talks to his mom as well. More close-ups on the Sprint phone. Orlando and his mother didn't talk for a long time because he was a suspected cross dresser and all, but now they are building a stronger relationship. He hangs up the phone (Sprint! They've got you covered!) and then it's back to the kitchen. Chris oddly decides to use a pre-made puff pastry for his dessert. Seriously Chris, you're shortcutting now? Sally is surprised as well, because any small mistake "can cut the four of them into three." Um, is Top Chef going all Human Centipede on us? Matthew also decides to puss out a bit and pass on using fresh tomatoes in his dish. "Too risky," he says. However, he takes a full 45 minutes to meticulously cut his pastry "pasta" with an X-Acto knife, so it's not like he's lazy. Chris's beef Wellington seriously looks like beef Wellington. Sally takes a look at it and the hand-cut manicotti and realizes that a wrap sandwich might not live up. At the last minute, she goes for two side dishes - fried plantains and potato salad. Potato salad is...not Cuban. It's really not.
At table service, Matthew is up first. His dish looks fantastic. Everyone is impressed with the presentation, but not so much with the flavor combination. It's a little "one note" to them. Chris is up next and "the first thing that came to his mind" when he picked France was beef Wellington. Why? Why was that first? You are a liar, Chris. Johnny points out that while the dish is named after the Duke of Wellington, it's actually derivative of a French entree. Oh whatever. That shit is British, I don't care where it's roots are. It's known as an English dish. Everyone is pretty into it, though. Orlando nervously presents to the esteemed panel and man, he sure is different now from the cocky shithead from the beginning of the season, isn't he? The dish goes over alright, but some are not sold on his beet "chorizo" and others think his rice is mushy. My future husband Johnny Iuzzini loves Sally's non-Cuban potato salad, but he's not thrilled with the messy cream cheese mousse.
The judges applaud the chefs' hard work and Chef Hubert is all, "Oh man, this is the best challenge ever!" because he was paid to say that. Chris is up first and they want to know why he didn't make his own puff pastry. Everyone else made a bread! But you, Chris, did not! Why!? Plus, you said you weren't even going to use puff pastry! And then Matthew, also made of lies. He did not use tomato as promised and my future husband totally uses tomato with his berries and he knows it would have been good, so there. Matthew was not creative enough, but he would have been if he hadn't turned into a huge liar and skipped the tomato. Orlando's dish had good flavor, but he used a rice cooker and that is not okay. Plus, he didn't include mussels or clams. Orlando says he had to self-edit to execute it all and Gail is like, "WHY EDIT, ORLANDO, WHY!?" Then they're like, "ARE YOU SCARED!?" Um. What the fuck is up with the judges? They're like, ragey. Sally seems to have screwed up the least, mostly by not being a huge self-editing liarpants.
And so, Sally takes the win. She's going to the finale. Gail tells her she deserves the win and she's "free to go back," like they're holding her hostage or something. Chris is also safe. In the end, it's between Matthew and Orlando to be the third contestant in the finale. Matthew wasn't creative enough, but Orlando's the one who didn't measure up. He's crushed and crying and it's kind of sad? I don't understand my emotions. Orlando seems to...have grown? Like, as a person? It's weird. He now knows that other opinions matter and he's a better chef for it. Well...sheesh. Goodbye, Orlando. Sorry you became tolerable right as you left.
