RHoNY: Crack Open The Pinot And Pour One Out For Our Lost Housewife Homies

 

Well, it looks like the rumors were true. According to reports, it seems that Jill Zarin, Alex McCord and Kelly Bensimon have all been axed from the Real Housewives of New York cast. That leaves us with a confirmed Countess Luann de Lesseps, Sonja Morgan and Ramona Grigio Singer to return. It's still up in the air for Cindy, who no one ever cared about and no one ever will. She told someone somewhere who would listen that, "Nothing is 100 [percent] decided yet, it could go either way," but again: no one cares. She can run around all of New York getting her veneers fixed and ignoring her kids and bedazzling vaginas and still, no one cares. If she comes back, I shall eat my hat. I don't wear hats. It's a metaphor. But I'll eat probably like, some toast. Toast is delicious.

So, here's the deal. If we don't have Jill Zaaaaaaaah-rin to stir up shit or Kelly Bensimon to have the occasional mental breakdown or Alex McCord's complete disaster of an existence to entertain us...does that mean we just have to watch Ramona and Sonja (who I like to call Ramonja) get drunk and flash their 40-something tits and vajayjay? While the Countess makes more "music"? Because my God, kill me now.

Luann let it drop yesterday that three new Housewives are being added to the cast, and they'd better be good.  But in the meantime, Kelly, I will miss you and your sand angels and jelly beans and imaginary murder attempts. Alex, I likely won't miss you at all, because your eyes scare me, but you were kind of funny at times (side note: NO MORE SIMON. THIS IS NOT A LOSS). But Jill, I will miss you most of all. You are a terrible person and your mean girl antics have made me giggle for years. I hope that, regardless of cameras, you continue to make frememies wherever you go and then steal their product ideas. Best of luck, bitches!