Last night’s True Blood
season finale was, pardon the pun, a blood bath. They must need to clean house or something, because that was a whole bunch of dead characters, ya know? Sheesh. But after a ridiculous and lackluster season, I actually really enjoyed it. Here are my top 10 favorite moments.
season finale was, pardon the pun, a blood bath. They must need to clean house or something, because that was a whole bunch of dead characters, ya know? Sheesh. But after a ridiculous and lackluster season, I actually really enjoyed it. Here are my top 10 favorite moments. 
1. “You can’t trade magic like fucking Pokemon cards!”
Poor, poor Jesus. He’s got the dark magic in him, with the stupid demon head thing and all, and you know crazy ghost Marnie wants a piece of that. Naturally, after possessing Lafayette she’s all, “Gimme your magic, bitch!” and stuff. Then Lafayette-as-Marnie totally stabs him to death. It’s ugly and I don’t think that Lafayette is going to be doing too well come season five. But hey, cool scene.
It’s Halloween in Bom Temps and lovable white trash Arlene is raising her daughter to be just like mama. Little Lisa is chowing down on French fries with a big, fake pregnant belly. When Sam comments on her costume, she says, “I’m Janelle from Teen Mom 2
.” I mean, duh, Sam. Duh.
.” I mean, duh, Sam. Duh.3. “The ghosts of his past…”
Just when you think everything might be alright with Arlene and Terry, the ghost of her sociopath, serial killing ex shows up to give her a warning. About Terry, no less! Hypocritical, much? Rene tells her to watch out for Terry and of “the ghosts of his past,” which come in the beautiful package of hottie Scott Foley
as Sgt. Patrick Devins. I’m okay with that.
as Sgt. Patrick Devins. I’m okay with that. 4. “What if our hearts can't be trusted and it's our brains we should be listening to?"
Alcide finally grows a pair and lays it on the line for Sookie. He thinks they’ve been letting their hearts guide them on what’s maaaaaybe not quite the best paths. Like, romantically speaking. Ya think? With the psychopath werewolf girlfriend and the murderous vampires and all? I dunno. Sookie’s still a huge moron, though. Is she blind? I know both Eric and Bill have their appeal, but…no really, is she blind? DATE ALCIDE. Ahem.
5. “I liked you better when you were brain damaged.”
After four seasons, the writers of True Blood have finally caved to their crazed fans and given them a scene where Bill and Eric are shirtless and chained together. I suppose that’s something people would like, if they were into that sort of thing. Then again, after they get set on fire, it’s a little less sexy. The men themselves don’t seem to be too into it, but I’m sure it’s the new wallpaper on many a hormonal fangirl’s desktop.
6. “Aw, this fucking sucks.”
Like, four hundred dead people (including a nice cameo from Sookie’s grandmother) have to pull stupid Marnie off her high horse and down to wherever crazy dead people go. Her death seems pretty peaceful, considering how many people she’s just killed, but Marnie’s still not really pleased. Oh well! Glad she’s gone.
Poor Pam. You are the coolest character on this show and you had to spend most of the season with your beautiful face rotting off in chunks. And now Eric’s dumped you for Sookie – who does happen to have the stupidest name ever. And a faerie vagina, now that you mention it. I get your frustration.
8. "There's only one way I see this ending."
Eric and Bill get dumped. It would be sad, I guess, but they are wearing matching robes like they just came out of their suite at the Gay Vampire Lodge and it’s just…kind of hilarious. After four seasons of rivalry, they’re left with nothing but each other and a His & His set of striped robes. Poor gay vamps.
9. “We are not fucking puppy dogs!”
Getting dumped ain’t gonna bring Bill Compton down! Don’t you dare call him pussy whipped, or he will seriously kill you. Just like he kills the shit out of Nan Flanagan, to which I say about damn time. I was getting really sick of her severe eyeliner. She looked like Alex McCord on The Real Housewives of New York. That is not a compliment. Of course, now she just looks like a puddle of goo.
. That is not a compliment. Of course, now she just looks like a puddle of goo.10. "I shoulda done this a long time ago."
Two words: Tara died. I mean, Tara died. Let’s say it together, people. Tara died! Yay! One of the most irritating, horrible characters on television finally gets her head blown off. Honestly, if she survives this, I am gonna be pissed. The only thing that would be more satisfying would be Betty Draper getting a bullet to the head. Fingers crossed! In the meantime, champagne’s on me.