On last night’s Glee Project, the final four contestants competed for the three spots in next week’s finale. It was a difficult choice. So difficult, in fact, that Ryan Murphy (and surprise guest judge Ian Brennan with his long, shiny locks) decided not to decide at all. That’s right, there will be a final four, because Ian and Ryan are huge pussies. It seems like they can’t decide which direction to take the show. It’s like…they don’t really know what they’re doing…
No, just kidding. Obviously, they’re awesome at plot continuity and consistent story arcs. Pshh.
The theme this week was "Generosity," which kudos to them for it being an actual word for once, even though it's not really ever clear what it means. They all have to pretend to play instruments and sing lame feel-good songs with kids. It's strange and their weakest video yet. But anyway. Look at them play!
Let’s go over our final four. First, we have Lindsay, who is basically Lea Michele
, if Lea Michele had bigger eyes and didn’t sing as well. She’s struggled with lots of stuff in her life, like being too pretty and being too perfect at stuff. It’s very rough for her. She’s as phony as they come, and they’ve called her on it. Ryan Murphy all but said he wants her gone, but she’s a nice Rachel Barry replacement.
, if Lea Michele had bigger eyes and didn’t sing as well. She’s struggled with lots of stuff in her life, like being too pretty and being too perfect at stuff. It’s very rough for her. She’s as phony as they come, and they’ve called her on it. Ryan Murphy all but said he wants her gone, but she’s a nice Rachel Barry replacement. Then we have Alex, who is a gay boy version of Mercedes. I know that sounds harsh, but let’s get serious. He is big, he is sassy, he can “oh no you din’t honey” like a pro. He also sings incredibly well. But let’s be honest, he won’t win because we already have a big, sassy, black diva who can belt like no mofo can belt.
And then there’s Samuel, the obvious choice, although I think he might choke. Ryan Murphy is obsessed with his Jesus tattoos because he wants a “nontraditional Christian,” whatever that means. Maybe it’s the dreads? Samuel is very talented, but also very nervous. He’s also the most unique, but suffers from not having enough unbearable pain in his life to make him Glee
-able.
-able.Then there’s wild card Damian, who can’t sing well, dance well or play an instrument. He’s also been criticized repeatedly for his inability to express emotion when acting. So, obviously, he will win. He’s Irish, if that means anything.
According to next week’s previews, the contestants are going to perform Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'’”
and I think we can all agree that this song is over, right? I mean, it’s really over. It was over a long ass time ago. And yet, Ryan Murphy is making the final four contestants perform it again in the finale, so that we can hear them do the exact same thing we’ve already seen one hundred times. But hey, that’s Glee, who has taken this song from drunk karaoke fans worldwide and claimed it as their very own. Don’t stop believing in the fact that they will jam this song down your throats so effing hard in the name of underdogs everywhere. Don’t! In fact, next week’s theme is “Glee-ability,” which is even less a word than “musicality,” so, gross. But also, it’s even more pompous than I thought possible. Does no one give Steve Perry credit anymore? Sigh.
and I think we can all agree that this song is over, right? I mean, it’s really over. It was over a long ass time ago. And yet, Ryan Murphy is making the final four contestants perform it again in the finale, so that we can hear them do the exact same thing we’ve already seen one hundred times. But hey, that’s Glee, who has taken this song from drunk karaoke fans worldwide and claimed it as their very own. Don’t stop believing in the fact that they will jam this song down your throats so effing hard in the name of underdogs everywhere. Don’t! In fact, next week’s theme is “Glee-ability,” which is even less a word than “musicality,” so, gross. But also, it’s even more pompous than I thought possible. Does no one give Steve Perry credit anymore? Sigh.