First, let's cover our bases. Teresa's four little animals gather together with the rest of the fam for a photo shoot. Why? To promote her upcoming cookbook, of course, which is nauseatingly entitled Fabulicious
. I can't even. I just can't. And so, during this photo shoot (which I believe was for images inside the actual book) her children whine, scream, pout, refuse to smile, refuse to stand still, fight with each other, backtalk and generally act like they are getting waterboarded. It's very annoying. And yet...I am pretty sure I'd volunteer as the permanent Giudice babysitter after seeing Ashley in action.
The setup: her father and his wife fly in, all the way from Texas for a "what the fuck are you doing with your life" intervention. There's a brief moment where she's in tears of joy to see him, which is quickly ruined by her showing up super late to their lunch date the following day. Clearly, she misses him a lot.
There's honestly too much to cover, but let's go over some choice Ashley moments, shall we?
As stated, she shows up late for lunch. Her four parents are discussing their overwhelming lack of Christmas gifts and cards from their dear, sweet daughter. She rushes in, looking exasperated, and immediately demands a Tom Tom GPS navigator for the following Christmas. Yeah. She does that.
Then the Real Talk begins. What does she want to do with her life? This is the main question all four parents keep asking. What are her plans? At 20, with a failed internship and a forgotten community college education...what the hell is she doing? Ashley tells us in a voice over, "I just have like, a lot of interests. I cant like, pick one."
Later, she changes her tune, saying that she wants to move to California and attend beauty school. Since she like, loves make up and design and stuff. Even though she is still so super annoyed at Lauren Manzo for hiring her to do design work. It's difficult because, "The design [Lauren] wants, like, she only wants that design…its like, weird." Well, luckily in beauty school, you get to determine the outcome of every haircut, styling and makeup job and cater it to your own personal taste. Phew!
California would be really fun. Super cool. She needs to get away, see, from all the stresses and demands of her family. "I want to be somewhere I can just focus on me. In California, I can just focus on me." See, guys? She needs a change. She doesn't know why they pick on her so much. She had an internship that she was consistently late to! She took some community college classes that went nowhere! She even got a real job that was like, from 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m., but her big meanie parents wanted her to work full time. Gawd.
Anyway, after many backs and forths where she has no clue about money, obtaining a job or any excuse whatsoever for being so apathetic and irresponsible, she insults her own mother for having a child at 20. In a voiceover, she repulsively notes that since her mother chose to have her, she chose to be responsible at 20. So like, since she is 20 and doesn't have a kid, she doesn't have to choose to be responsible. God, Ashley makes so much sense!
The episode ends with an ominous "...To be continued" screen, which hopefully means that next week, someone will take that stupid fedora off Ashley's head, kick her ass out on the street and make her beg for pittance. Fingers crossed!
