Making Space for the Truth

Jason-



A follow-up to my last post.



So here is the dilemma…

Organizations (like any social group) require a certain amount of conformity. There are certain rules and policies and norms (implicit and explicit) that you need to follow in order to have membership. The more conformist an organization is, the less it is able to utilize the intangible assets that it has access to…things like the curiosity, creativity, ideas, questions, experiences, perspectives, diversity, passion, etc. that live within its workforce. These things make people stand out and so in a more conformist environment they tend to stay buried.

So.

If an organization wants to minimize conformity in order to harness its intangibles and maximize its ability to learn, adapt, innovate and evolve, how does it do that? Here are some thoughts.

Look for and expect dissent. If you are talking about anything of substance and there is not some disagreement, you should be very concerned. As General Patton said; “If everyone is thinking the same thing, someone is not thinking at all.” This can be a significant blind spot when we are in a position of leadership though, because we start out thinking pretty highly of our own ideas and when everyone around us agrees with them, who are we to see that as problematic?

Teach people how to disagree respectfully. Talk about this starting in the interview process, include it in job descriptions and in performance evaluations, provide training and feedback. Make it a normal and central part of the culture.

Create and support a different kind of leadership. A big part of why this is a problem to begin with is that we have a way of leadership/management that is largely built on being right and owning the truth. This stands in the way of candid conversation, challenging assumptions, and questioning decisions...all of which can be incredibly valuable for an organization.

Crush politics at every chance. The validity, value and necessity of organizational politics are greatly overrated. We have organizational politics to the extent that we do because that is what we tolerate. Be less tolerant. Organizational politics come at great cost as employees end up with truncated identities and trade their passion and ideals in for the rules to the game.

I think the "how do we do it?" question probably has a lot of different answers, but I think that these are a good start.

-joe

Building the right kind of Container

Jason-

Thanks for the great list on increasing our capacity to work with and through conflict. Good stuff and very actionable. There is only one thing that I would add to this list and it is really a pretty common theme in our work and in our ongoing discussions. I think that the nature of our relationships is probably a large variable in the capacity for those relationships to withstand and actually benefit from some conflict and tension.

One thing that every single one of us can do, regardless of our role or title, regardless of our education or amount of experience is make a greater effort to develop and maintain real and resilient relationships…relationships strong enough to tolerate a bit of conflict. We have talked a fair amount about social capital in this space and I think that it is a dead horse worth beating.

Conflict, tension, and dissent are not bad things necessarily…in fact they can be very good things. They can be a sign that people are awake, paying attention and actually give a shit about something. They can be a sign that people are willing to be honest…which unfortunately is not terribly common in my experience.

If you want the benefit of that honesty and those different perspectives, you have to create the right kind of container. If you cannot create that container, then conflict is likely to break things pretty quickly. Your list is a great way to go about building that container, as is an overall focus on building strong relationships.

-joe

Let's Get Conflicted

Joe,

As was reflecting on our conversation about conflict and how the fear of conflict is severely damaging our organizations, I was reminded that this isn't just a work issue. We generally steer away from the difficult conversations in every aspect of our lives. Couples don't talk about money. Parents struggle to talk to their kids about sex. We even have a tough time telling our friends that something they are doing might be damaging to them or others. Any conversation that might lead to conflict or discomfort, we generally avoid. But yet, each of these conversations is really important and avoiding them could lead to disaster.

So, what do we do?

I'm certainly no expert on this topic as I suffer from the same natural instincts as every other human being. But, I think that when we specifically talk about being a leader in an organization, there are certain things we can do to build our organizations capacity for constructive conflict.

1. Be the model. As a leader, the most important tool we have is our own actions and behaviors. We must demonstrate what it looks like to give tough feedback or to confront a situation, even when your push back is likely to be viewed unfavorably. This means finding the courage to have these conversations and pushing through the inevitable desire to avoid them when it comes. For our direct reports, just giving them good feedback on a regular basis is a great place to start (this means the good and, more importantly, the bad).

2. Become a student of conflict. Role modeling conflict is best if you are skilled at it. In order to become good at it, it's important to study and practice. Pick up the books Crucial Confrontations and Fierce Conversations as a starting point. Also, study conflict resolution tactics. There are tools that help make conflict much more manageable. With these tools in hand, it's much less intimidating to have the tough conversations.

3. Teach conflict skills. Once you've become proficient, it's important to share the knowledge with others. Create book groups or trainings for your direct reports or peers. Write up cheat sheets. Anything you can do to get others familiar with the tools for constructive conflict. The more confident we are that we can handle conflict positively, the less likely we are to run from it.

4. Make conflict cool. Most organizations take their behavioral lead from the senior leaders, so if they are willing and able to engage in conflict situations, then others will as well. If they handle them well, that sets a great tone for everyone else. But, the converse is true as well. This means that we need to work on the executives within our organization to first get them to embrace conflict as a positive part of business. Then, to engage in becoming better at conflict. This is no easy task. Depending on where the conflict avoidance tendencies of an organization are today, the place to start might be by sharing articles and case studies from other organizations that support the case that constructive conflict is important. If you already have this kind of buy in, then find ways to both train senior leaders in constructive conflict techniques through corporate meetings, articles, etc.

5. Create conflict practice. The organizations who handle conflict the best have created ways to practice it. They create low-stakes situations where people are forced into conflict. This might mean meetings where people are divided into groups and asked to argue different sides of an important issue. It could mean asking direct reports to create a "role play" scenario where they act out a situation where tough feedback is being shared. Humans learn by doing, so the best way to effectively teach constructive conflict is by getting them into situations where they have to actually do it.

These are the kinds of things I'm working on to bring more constructive conflict to my organization. Are there other approaches you have found to be successful?

Jason

Can you handle the truth?

Jason-

Really, really good post. I think this is an issue at the root of many challenges that organizations and leaders face.

You posed two questions for me...

1.) Does my experience align with yours regarding the desire of most folks to avoid conflict (even at great cost)?

Yes. Emphatically yes. In some of the workshops that I do inside of organizations we spend time considering the culture...we actually examine specific aspects of the organizations culture, assign them a grade and then talk about opportunities for improvement. People seem to enjoy doing this and have no problem identifying specific things that the organization or senior leaders can do better. Then we move on to talk about individual opportunities to contribute to a better organizational culture and the entire conversation dries up. I start to hear things like:

"You just dont rock the boat around here...if you do there will be blowback."
"Change starts at the top, how am I going to make something happen."
"I just do my job and keep my head down."

I do not know if real change ever starts at the top, but there are a whole host of reasons that people have (regardless of their title) about why the environment is not quite right for them to speak out or to take some ownership for organizational culture.

2.) What must we do to solve this problem?

Probably several answers to this question, depending on who "we" is. But I think that the big answer is that we must strive to build organizational culture and organizational leadership that values and rewards personal courage and risk taking. This is a really big shift, as we currently have a way of leadership that defaults to defense of the hierarchy and the status quo. This always compromises truth...which compromises everything else.

You probably have some additional and more specific answers relevant to your role inside the machine. I think that I have to be very intentional about holding myself accountable on this issue, because as an external consultant I can fall into the same trap of focusing on what others want to hear rather than the whole truth. I have gotten much better at having candid (and often times very difficult) conversations with organizational leaders about my observations, but I know that when I first began work as a consultant I did not do a very good job of this.

Again, I think you have touched on a really important topic here and I would love to hear a bit more from your perspective about solutions...are there things that you do to develop the comfort and skill in your direct reports for handling conflict?
-joe

The Crisis of Conflict Avoidance

Joe,

Twice recently I've run into situations where I've had conversations with people where they relayed to me how they weren't comfortable having open discussions with others at work. One person was in a situation where she was miserable at work, but was choosing not to have the tough conversation with her boss that could lead to improvements. When I asked her why, she shared with me a list of assumptions she was making:

• She thought that it didn't matter if she talked to her boss because she didn't think anything could be done.
• Because her issue is primarily with the behavior of a co-worker, she felt that bringing up her concerns would come across as petty.
• She felt like it was an issue that she should probably be able to resolve on her own (even though she'd been failing to deal with it for 2 years)
• She thought that raising these complaints my jeopardize her job

The issues this woman were experiencing weren't easy ones to resolve. But, they could be resolved with the help of her management. However, because her management weren't aware of the extent of the issue, they weren't taking any action to resolve it. By choosing silence, she had become part of the problem. Her solution: go look for another job. The irony of the situation was that her primary fear in bringing the issues up to her boss was that it might impact her job security (although she had not evidence to support that fear), so instead of taking that risk, she was just going to find a new job. It seems crazy, but I think it happens a lot.

My experience tells me that this issue is plaguing our businesses and workplaces. People are, for one reason or another, choosing silence and misery over courage and change. It is another reminder for me of how fearful human nature is of change. It also reminds me of how harmful it can be to people when you have a workplace that punishes those who have the courage to speak up.

As organizations talk about talent management, they often find themselves focused on systems and ratings, assessments and succession plans. But, the best designed system in the world cannot effectively set talent free in the absence of open, authentic conversations that will regularly dip into uncomfortable areas of conflict.

Just last week, I sat in a room with several HR leaders from various larger employers in the area to discuss developing leadership. As further evidence of this lack of open conversation, this group identified conflict management skills as the single biggest gap amongst their future leaders. Even more concerning was that the discussion in this group revealed that it wasn't just these leaders who were conflict incapable (or worse, avoidant), but that it was really the culture that reinforced unproductive harmony over productive conflict.

This is a crisis. So, I pose to you these two questions:

1. Does your experience align with mine on this issue?
2. What must we do to solve this problem?

I look forward to your thoughts.

-Jason