The next day, the models make their way to the historic Roosevelt Hotel to meet with Nigel Barker. He tells them that last year, Elizabeth Taylor made millions from her own fragrance line. Did this tape before she passed away? Anyway, they will be designing their own signature fragrance and along to help is Ben Bennett of Hatch Beauty. His team will blend them all their three scent choices to create a signature perfume. Um, that has nothing to do with modeling. Am I wrong? None of these girls are even remotely famous enough to get their own fragrance line. What a waste of a challenge. So they're all smelling various scents and picking three to blend. I remember they used to have this store in the mall where you could do the same thing. They all get to name them and choose things like "Smitten" (Shannon), "Neon" (Lisa) and "Angelea" (wild guess). Allison names her fragrance "Honey Blood," because if you recall she is obsessed with blood. I still love her.
Alexandria calls her signature scent "Diamondatrix," which I think might also be her stripper name. She takes about fifteen years to put hers together like, okay this isn't actually going to be in Macy's, Alexandria. Chill the eff out. Once they're all done, Nigel comes in and lays it out for them: they will be selling their perfume to their fans that night. They will have shower gel and bubble bath and stuff, all infused with their fragrance, and they'll actually be in the bathtub in a bathing suit as they sell it. Um, that sounds really dumb and tacky. The winner gets immunity at elimination, but Bianca doesn't care. She also thinks it sounds dumb and tacky. She's all, "Tyra would never sit in a bathtub and sell something! She's a business woman! When am I going to be taken serious!?" Okay first, I put nothing past Tyra Banks. Second, learn how to use adverbs and third, never. You will never be taken serious(ly).
At the fake launch party for their fake fragrances, Bianca wears a dress and refuses to get in the tub. Meanwhile, Lisa is a mess, booty dancing and splashing around. You guys, I have a feeling that Lisa has been That White Girl at the bar one too many times. You know which girl I mean. Kayla and her fragrance are "Free," but Nigel thinks she seems kind of timid and unsure of herself. Cycle Three winner Eva is there for some reason. Her hair is like, white and I do not like it. In the tubs, Laura is sweet and having fun, as are Allison and Dominique. Bianca? Still not getting in that damn water. Beyonce never posed in a bathtub! Neither will Shannon really, because she is so pure and stuff. Her scent is called "Smitten," but I don't think she knows what that means? She keeps describing it and it's...not the definition of smitten. Idiot. Nigel and Eva think she's too wrapped up in trying to embody a specific image. Ya think? Then Nigel gets into the tub to prove his point. I don't even know.
Eva and Nigel choose Lisa as the winner because she is the "most sellable and most marketable" of the bathtubbers. So this is another week that we will not be free of Lisa. Sigh. In addition to the immunity, she will be the face of an official America's Next Top Model fragrance launching soon. Ew. It will smell like desperation. The following day the girls meet with Mr. Jay for their photo shoot. This is a night shoot with motorcycles. Their assignment is to become a "larger than life" personality, namely either NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta or Snooki of Jersey Shore. Alexandria rightfully wonders how she's supposed to get her high fashion back after being criticized for looking like a reality TV star when she's assigned to look...like a reality TV star. Good question. Shannon predictably does not know who these people are because Jesus hates television. Lisa also has no idea who NeNe is, but Bianca randomly gets very helpful and tells her all about it. She also mentions that NeNe would never be on the back of some white dude's motorcycle. Truth.
Lisa kills the shoot, obviously. Dominique, Allison, Angelea and Laura all do well, too. Kayla is a little iffy as Snooki. To me, it looks like she's trying too hard. Speaking of, Bianca has special ordered a jar of pickles. Why? Well, that's Snooki's favorite food! She wants to pose with them to go the extra mile. A nice, if not misguided, decision. Shannon is jealous and wants a pickle, but Bianooki says no. Allison also wants one, but just because she's hungry. Bianooki doesn't care - these are her pickles, ya herrrd? She brings them on set and Mr. Jay is baffled, but allows it. And then it looks like she's on the back of a bike, giving a pickle a hummer. Good lord, this is the hot dog shoot all over again. How gross. Mr. Jay is like, "Can I please have it not look like a penis?" and the photographer thinks it's "too porno" to go on. Alas, The Great Pickle Idea has failed. Alexandria also tanks, as does Shannon. Shocking.
Many of the models are convinced that there will be a double elimination. Bianca wants everyone to know that Kanye West would also not pose in a bathtub. Nor would Courtney Love. Um, I am certain Courtney Love would pose in a bathtub. She'd also pose in an alley, a dumpster, a toilet, a crack den and the arms of a hobo. Just sayin'. At panel, Kathy Griffin is there because God hates me. Also I guess because she is a reality star. Whatever. Of course, the judges get on Bianca's case for not getting in the tub as predicted and she immediately starts on her diatribe again. She wants to be "taken serious" as a model, she wants to be more than a reality star! Tyra reminds her quite astutely that she was just a model and then she came back onto a reality television show. Um, yes. This. Bianca says that Beyonce and Rihanna would not get in a bathtub! Tyra is like, "Yeah, but you are not Beyonce." Oh dang. She also mentions, despite what Bianca said, that she would get in the bathtub if that's what was required of her. Tyra seems quite annoyed with her.I just noticed that now the judges look at the photos on an iPad instead of print outs. RIP, Steve! Tyra announces that it is in fact a double elimination. Lisa gets top photo! Girl is on a roll, y'all. In the bottom are Shannon, Kayla and Bianooki. It's no surprise that Bianooki is sent home for being uncoachable. Kayla is also eliminated, which bums me out. I liked her. Also, I do not like boring ass Shannon, so there's that. But alas. Hey, at least Bianca is off my TV again. Maybe now someone will take her serious.
Winning photo:
