Also sad? Kayla. Speaking of rehab, Kayla is not in good shape. She talks about how upset she is from their "rough panel" and that her heart is racing. What seems like an over dramatic statement quickly becomes quite serious, though. Because Kayla? She like, effing ODs or something. She says again that her heart is racing, but this time she is in bed, gasping audibly and crying. "What did you take?" Bre asks, and she responds, "Three [bleeps] and two ibuprofen." Now, I don't know if they bleeped because it was a brand name pharmaceutical or if it was illegal, but the end result is Kayla hyperventilating and vomiting. The crew comes in, an ambulance shows up and she's diagnosed with "cardiac arrhythmia." Now, this is a funny coincidence, but I happen to have a benign cardiac arrhythmia and while it can be scary and awful, it definitely doesn't make you puke like that. Someone took too many drugs. Yikes.
But no one cares, because they have Tyra Mail. I'm sorry, does Tyra sign her mail "Fierce & Love"? That doesn't even make sense. They all gather that the challenge will be about acting and they're correct. Mr. Jay tells them they are auditioning to be on one of the biggest shows on television, and it's really exciting until he says "CSI". Is that exciting? Really? Okay. They get their scripts, and the models are nervous because they only have 30 minutes to memorize their lines and there is a lot of medical terminology. That's like, more syllables than they're comfortable with, you know? Okay, I'm being mean. No one can say "gas chromatograph mass-spectrometer" properly, and I really cannot fault them for that. It's pretty great when Laura says "barbitonicals" instead of "barbiturates" though. But it's all good, because Angelea's "got the most talent up in this bitch, let me tell you." Lord, I love her. And you know what? Bitch kills it. Loving it. 716 in the house, yo. Lisa murders the script in a different way, in that she doesn't know any of it. She just swears a lot. Then again, Lisa points out that she went last, which left her a 90 minute gap of not studying the script. I have to say, she has a point. Despite Angelea's great performance, Bre wins. Lame. So Bre, who no one cares about, is going to be on a show no one takes seriously. Fantastic.
The next Tyra Mail indicates that it will be a shoot for Express (one of their prizes is a national ad campaign with the brand) and God, she really does sign her mail "Fierce & Love." How ridiculous. So, in their shoot with Express they are playing a role and it's one of four: the girlfriend, the flirt, the cool chick and the socialite. Hot male models are on hand to help them sell it, which I'm sure everyone is excited about except Kayla. Angelea, who is really growing on me, is "a rich socialite from the 716 who started out humble, but is now a really rich bitch." Amazing. Bre is really beautiful, actually. I really just noticed that. Dominique still looks like a tranny. Bianca does not do well, because she thinks she's "a model" and this isn't the real world or something. Mr. Jay is like, bitch please. He and his hot pink lipstick are serious, okay?
Shannon is too commercial, Alexandria looks like a pimp and Laura nails it as usual. Camille, who mentions for the third time that she is 33 years old, struggles. I guess that's like 87 in the modeling world. She has a metaphorical walker. Poor old Camille. Lisa also sucks, which is awesome because I really want Lisa to go home. She keeps trying to sell this "I am crazy and fun" thing, but you reach a certain age when batshit party girl is no longer cute and she is way past it.
Before judging, Camille reminds us again that she is old as dirt. There is nothing older than Camille. You know, Jesus was 33 when he was crucified and she is like, just as old as Jesus was. Which is like, really old. Kayla reminds us that she was just in the emergency room having a "mini-heart attack," which is flat out not true. You had a heart palpitation, sweetheart. Let's not get carried away. Despite this horrifying near death experience, Kayla does well in the photo shoot, as does Laura and Allison. Grandma Camille has dead eyes and isn't engaged. Lisa blames her bad photo on how the male models were hungry. Um, alright. I mentioned I wanted Lisa to go home, right? Bre didn't smize enough, but Angelea's 716-to-socialite photo really impresses. They like her tacky new money attitude. Seriously, that's what they say.
In the end, Angelea wins top photo and Lisa and Camille are in the bottom two for having excuses and dead eyes, respectively. It turns out that majorly sucking and blaming everything else isn't as bad as dead eyes, though, and ancient Camille is sent packing. As she gets in her trusty wheelchair and goes back to the nursing home, crazy Lisa goes on to model another day. Boo.
Winning photo:
