Top Chef Just Desserts is back! See my excitement? It is genuine. After what feels like 400 seasons of Top Chef
, the challenges have gotten stale and chock-full of product placement. Not to mention I've never been a fan of Padma
's monotone. But Just Desserts has interesting (and delicious!) challenges, plus pastry chefs are crazy bitches like, ninety percent of the time. So basically, a treat in more ways than one.Speaking of tasty treats, I was thrilled to see that Johnny Iuzzini
is back. I don't know what it is about that man, good lord. I am loving it. Something about his snotty attitude, big hair, deep smoldering eyes and muscular arms all come together to form the perfect man. Oh Johnny, let's get married? It's okay you shaved off your sideburns. I'll live (until you grow them back).Obviously, Gail Simmons
is hosting again as well. I've always found her to be unlikable and bitchy on Top Chef, but I really enjoy her as a host. Hubert I-Make-Spaghetti-In-The-Shower Keller is back, plus new judge, critic and writer Dannielle Kyrillos.Strangely, the Quickfire is for partners and the main challenge is a group challenge. I'm not sure why they wouldn't let them showcase their individual talents in the first episode, but oh well. The "modern soda fountain" Quickfire is a little lame, and most of them seem to flop, but Amanda and Nelson take the win (and the immunity!) with their yummy looking chocolate sponge cake, pickled cherries and pistachios. The first challenge? Is crazypants. They are put into groups based on classic fairy tales
: Jack and the Beanstalk, Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood and Goldilocks and the Three Bears. They must make two desserts, plus a full showpiece. A showpiece! Crazypants! They didn't pull out the showpiece assignment until nearly the end of last season. Right away, I can see that the level of competition is higher this season, particularly with contestants Orlando and Chris. Both seem to be immensely talented and I am hoping for a Bryan vs. Mike Voltaggio
level rivalry here. Additionally, right away many of the personality quirks come out to play. There is the typical squabbling that comes with a group challenge, not to mention that many of them seem to feel constricted by their inability to show off in their own unique way for the first judging. Valid. That would frustrate me as well.Here's my take on the 14 contestants:
Orlando: As I've said, he seems insanely talented. The details on his showpiece were amazing. He is also kind of a huge dickhead. Like, a major dickhead. He's all, "I guess I'm more like the villain in this story...but the villains always have more to say." Oh, whatever.
Chris: We didn't get much of him personality-wise, but again - crazy batshit insane talent. His sugar sculpture of Red Riding Hood? Fucking fantastic. Seriously fucking fantastic. I am already calling him in the top three for sure. It's no wonder his team won. Completely deserved.
Craig: Sigh. Craig is this seasons Zany Gay Kid, except unlike Zac from last season, he doesn't really seem to be very good. He'd better step up his game or his Harry Potter fanaticism and uber-flamboyant ways will get old very fast.
Katzie and Megan: I felt bad for them. They seem to be decent, but they spent most of their time trying to fix disasters. I will say both seem talented, level headed and good in a pinch.
Rebecca: Whiny whiny whiner McWhinerstein. Oh my god, I want her to shut up already. She complained a lot. She was outmatched by her contestants. And she has one of those voices where she always sounds slightly on the verge of tears, which makes me crazy I'm sorry, okay?
Sally: Seems intense. We didn't get a lot of her, but we did learn that she used to be Zany Gay Kid Craig's old teacher - yet she didn't choose him as her partner during the Quickfire. Telling, eh?
Melissa: As my BFF said, "I hate her already." Man, what a bitch. Total non-stop bitchmonster. I guess we know who is "in it to win it" and "not here to make friends" this season. Thanks, reality television cliches!
Lina: Definitely the right choice to go home. Melissa was a total whore about the whole thing, but she was right - Lina was insistent that they not make a gingerbread house for Hansel and Gretel, which is like getting assigned Cinderella and going, "I just don't know if a glass slipper is the right direction." Idiot. Bye!
Vanarin, Nelson, Matthew, Carlos, Amanda: Didn't get to learn all that much about them, save Nelson and Amanda winning the Quickfire. I did, however, feel a little badly for born and raised Venezuelan Nelson, who had no idea what any of the fairy tales were. Thank goodness for immunity, huh?
All in all, this season is already shaping up to be interesting. And Johnny, I know you're taken or probably secretly gay and all, but look. We can work on the hair. I am willing to compromise. I even thought you looked hot in that stupid Robin Hood jacket they made you wear. Gimme a chance. Let's just talk on the phone...or text? I can Gchat, if you want? I'm on Facebook! Hey, wait...come back!
