Bad Managers Suck - Chapter 1

Joe,

As I was reading through the Manifesto again recently, one page in particular spoke to me.  It was in the chapter of the Manifesto intended for leaders.  For whatever reason, this statement jumped off the page:

GET OUT OF THE WAY.  People want to kick ass.  You just need to let them.  

It's been a while since we trained our cross-hairs on bad management, so I thought we could exchange some thoughts here on our "favorite" bad management practices.  Let's shine a light on these practices so that the Talent Anarchist's of the world can rise up and crush them.  We must demand better from ourselves and our leaders.

Bad Management Practice #1: The Silent Treatment

It seems that almost every day, I hear another story about how an individual never hears much from their manager.  For some, this means that the manager literally doesn't talk them . . . at all.  Sadly, this isn't as rare as it should be.  In most cases, it's that the manager doesn't talk to the employee about anything that really matters.  No information about what's going on.  No information about decisions being made.  And absolutely no feedback about what's expected of them or how they are doing towards meeting those expectations.

There are probably a lot of reasons that this happens.  We promote the wrong people into management.  Tenure in a job is not a qualification to manage people.  We also do a very poor job of training our managers to manage.  Learning to communicate with others doesn't happen from listening to a trainer for 60 minutes or reading a book.  Those things might give us some tools, but you have to practice.  Actually doing it and learning from the experience is the only great way to learn these skills.

The silent treatment is not cool and it's not okay.  If you are a manager, you need to sit down with your people regularly (at least once every 2 weeks).  If you are not a manager, but you have one and he/she sucks at communicating, you should demand a regular meeting.  The meeting should have an agenda with at least these four agenda items:

1. Stuff the manager knows that the individual should probably know about (Call it Team Updates)
2. Stuff the individual knows that the manager should probably know about (Call it Progress Updates)
3. Feedback on how the individual is performing relative to the manager's expectations.  
4. Q&A (Space in the discussion to bring up whatever is most important.)

This won't necessarily cure a manager who is giving the silent treatment, but it's a step in the right direction.  

What is your "favorite" bad management practice?

-Jason

Susan Dowd Stone on EmpowHER: screening for postpartum mood disorders is a good thing!

On the EmpowHER web site, award-winning therapist and nationally renowned postpartum depression expert Susan Dowd Stone recently wrote an article about the concept of mandated screening for postpartum mood disorders. You can click here to find the article.

In the article, Stone addresses the misconceptions that have been floating around, (mainly due to a backlash of reactions to the MOTHERS ACT legislation), on screening that is offered to new moms. There have been plenty of rumors that women will be forced to be screened for postpartum depression and other postpartum mood disorders, however that is simply not the case.

What I don't understand about all of this is why some women are turning this into a big issue. What are they afraid of? Screening is a great thing, and any health care facilities that offer screening for postpartum mood disorders should be applauded. Women are certainly not going to be forced into screening if they're not interested.

If there had been screening back in 1996, when I went through my own postpartum depression hell, then maybe I wouldn't have experienced PPD in the first place. Any preventative measure like postpartum mood disorder screening can only be helpful to a lot of women and their families.

If you're interested in finding more of Susan Dowd Stone's work, you can visit her web site at: http://www.perinatalpro.com.

Remembering the king

On the one-year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, Janet, Randy, Tito and Jermaine Jackson gathered at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale, Calif. to pay their respects.

The group -- all dressed in black -- arrived around 11 a.m. PT and entered through a back entrance of the mausoleum in which Michael is interned. About 500 fans also quietly gathered, many wearing sequined jackets or white gloves, according to a witness

Poor little wild girl

Poor “Pretty Wild” star Alexis Neiers. Yesterday, the 19-year-old troublemaker began serving her 180-day sentence for her participation in the “bling ring,” a group of teenagers who broke into celebrity houses and stole jewelry and other valuables. Neiers was specifically convicted for her role in robbing Orlando Bloom‘s home. She doesn’t seem super psyched about where she’s headed,

Moving on and having hope

Before I get started with this latest PPD post, I'd just like to thank everyone who has offered support during the past few nightmarish months of breaking free from my ex-husband, Neil Zucconi. Our 10-month marriage (which was definitely 10 months too long) taught me many things, and one of the biggest things I've learned is how many truly amazing friends I have. I didn't know what a crucial support system Facebook could be, and I'm so grateful for everyone's constant and supportive comments, phone calls, hugs, and prayers.

Okay, so ... I'm moving on. :)

I'm totally back to the topic of postpartum depression after my little hiatus...

And, what I'm posting about today seems very fitting. I'd like to bring attention to a blog post on Katherine Stone's Postpartum Progress blog, not only because it's extremely well written and touching, but also because it's written by her husband -- a man who truly "gets" what PPD is all about and has been right there in the thick of it, supporting his wife through all of the ins and outs of PPD over the years as she evolved from a woman who suffered from the disorder to one who advocates for others. He was right there alongside Katherine and all of the other strong women who spoke out and worked hard to ensure that the MOTHERS ACT was passed. And what a tremendous victory that was.

As I try to move forward and get my life back, it really helps to read such a wonderful post by a husband who is reaching out to encourage women who are suffering from PPD that there is hope.

That message of hope is good for all of us.

Gay Heaven

Jersey Shore's Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, and Vinny Guadagnino have landed the cover of the special "Queer Issue" of Village Voice magazine. But according to reports, the boys didn't know it was the annual "Queer Issue" they were posing for. Well, lucky for you loyal Soup fan, we have a transcript of what we believe went down on the set of the shoot...

(The Village Voice photographer fiddles with his camera. Mike enters. He's shirtless)

Mike: Hey, this ain't the gay issue is it?

Village Voice: No.

Mike: Good. Yo, I shredded my abs all morning for this. Check it, they're bangin'.

Village Voice: Nice.

Mike: Don't just look at 'em, bro. You gotta touch 'em to fully appreciate The Situation.

Village Voice: Um, OK.

(Photographer reluctantly touches his abs)

Village Voice: OK, yeah, they're impressive.

(Vinny enters)

Vinny: Hey, this ain't the gay issue is it?

Village Voice: No.

Vinny: Good, cause I don't play that sh-t.

(Vinny rips his shirt off)

Vinny: Yo Mikey, help oil me up, bro.

Mike: How 'bout I do you while you do me?

Vinny: Let's do each otha' then.

(Mike and Vinny begin rubbing oil on each other's chests simultaneously)

Mike: That's right. All over the pecs.

Vinny: Good. Now let's do the backs.

(They stand face to face, reach their arms all the way around each other in a full body hug, and in this manner rub oil on the other one's back. The Village Voice photographer stares awkwardly at the floor. Ronnie enters. He's nude)

Ronnie: Aw no, did I miss oil time?

Mike: Sorry bro, we just finished.

Village Voice (to Ronnie): Ah...you know this isn't a nude shoot. You just need to be topless, not bottomless.

Ronnie: I know bro, and I will be. But I gotta get bronzed up first. And when I bronze, I bronze all over. I don't do nothin' half way. That's the way the ladies like it.

Village Voice: That's the way the ladies like it?

Ronnie: Yeah, what are you deaf? Alright Mikey, Vinny, get over here and work me 'til I'm brown. Mikey you do my front and Vinny hit the back. Remember, nothin' half way. Get in every last crevice. Oh, this ain't the gay issue, right?

Village Voice: You know what? This is the gayest issue we've ever done.

Shock of the week

First came “Tardy for the Party.” Then came “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” And now there’s “Real Close,” the first song from Danielle Staub — and the third single originating from a Real Housewives star.

Unlike Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak and New York City‘s Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, the New Jersey star skipped the kicky dance track in favor of a more melodic tune.

Calling the love song a “tortured lullaby” before debuting it on Watch What Happens Live Monday night, the reality star sat down at an electric piano next to songwriter Lori Michaels, who composed the ballad, played the piano and even shared vocals with Staub. As the song ended, Staub leaned in for what looked like was going to be a kiss.

How did the performers fare? After the final notes faded away, host Andy Cohen described the performance as “really big,” then invited the ladies to join him for a (very) brief chat. Noting their apparent musical chemistry, he asked if the women were more than just duet partners. But Staub wouldn’t say. Instead, she said they got close writing and performing the song. Added Staub: “Were you tortured?

Today I dismissed the Order of Protection against Neil Zucconi

Well, my nightmare is over. I went to court today and dismissed the Order of Protection that I had filed on March 19, 2010, against Neil Zucconi because I was able to obtain what I feel is even better and much longer lasting protection for myself and my family than the Order of Protection provides. (You can find a lot more about this on my other blog, http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com) I dismissed the order in exchange for a stipulated addendum that is now attached to our decree of dissolution of marriage (divorce decree). This stipulated addendum contains provisions that include the fact that Neil Zucconi "shall not come into the State of Arizona for a period of one (1) year, ... and shall have no contact whatsoever with (me) by any means." So, no contact with me -- ever.

More on the legal saga can be found here on this public Maricopa County Superior Court web site.

I feel pretty good about this. It's "forever," whereas an Order of Protection is valid for only one year, at the end of which time, I would have had to go back to court to continue to have it upheld. One drawback to giving up my Order of Protection is the fact that it came with police enforceable protection. I don't have that now that the Order of Protection has been dismissed, however the stipulated addendum of the divorce decree is a fully enforceable order of the court....and if it is ever violated, I can easily go to court to get another Order of Protection.

While I was in court earlier today to take care of the Order of Protection dismissal, I listened to another woman who was there to obtain an Order of Protection of her own. Her story was so sad, as she recounted for the judge the physical abuse that she and her nine-year-old son had experienced at the hand of her boyfriend. And there were other women besides her who were waiting to see the judge to have their Orders of Protection filed as well. This must go on every hour of every day in every court across the country. It's crazy. Thank goodness we have legal protection in place for domestic violence victims such as the young woman who's testimony I heard, but how horrible that women have to resort to it.

This has definitely been an eye-opening and very jolting experience to go through, and if any of my blog readers would like to reach me or to know more about my story, feel free to leave a comment below.

Agent Gomez

Check out the newly released music video for Selena Gomez’ new single “Round & Round“.

Social Capital

What no Unicorns?

If you didn’t already know just how sweet the marriage between Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon is, the stongstress’s newest signature scent is about to shine a spotlight on their Hollywood love-affair. The just-announced addition to her fragrance empire, Lollipop Bling, gives a nod to that magical moment when her man ring-popped the question. “The inspiration for Lollipop Bling was Nick’s marriage proposal to me,” she says in a release. “He first surprised me with a ring-pop — romantic, fun and young-at-heart — like me!” Nick even sweetened the deal on the couple’s second anniversary last month, presenting his bride with a custom-designed ring-pop sparkler encrusted with white diamonds and pink sapphires. Mariah’s sugary trio of Elizabeth Arden fragrances, which are being produced in partnership with Topps Candy Company, will launch next month in bright butterfly-topped bottles. Mine Again will include notes of chocolate and raspberry. Ribbon will feature blue raspberry. Honey will be a tropical pineapple infusion. And they’ll have a sweet price to match their inspiration, selling at $35 for each 1-oz. bottle. Tell us: Will you buy Mariah’s Lollipop Bling? –Katherine Kluznik Rentmeester

Bitch vs Bitch

The feud continues with Omarosa & Bethenny Frankel

Kimba get her sun on

Kimberley Walsh Behind The Scenes of Fabulous Shoot







’ve cried, felt fat and thrown clothes around. But I’m now happy with my body’



When we first see Kimberley Walsh, she looks like a ’50s swimwear goddess.We’re in awe of her glamorous hourglass figure. Not that she’s aware of it.



She smiles falteringly as she places a shawl around her hips, trying to hide them from the camera. “I’ve got extreme proportions,” she explains – her way of saying she has a tiny waist and a J-Lo-style bum.



During her year off from Girls Aloud, which has seen each member pursuing solo projects, Kimberley, 28, has been trying her hand at TV presenting. We’re here today to talk about her new documentary on jeans, part the history of denim and its cowboy origins, part our love/hate relationship with them.



“How traumatic is jeans shopping?” Kimberley asks. “It’s as if it’s designed to make us feel bad about ourselves.



“You know what size you are, but it doesn’t work with jeans. If I buy skinny jeans, I have to go a size bigger, but with high-waisted ones, I might be two sizes smaller. Does anyone else find it a painful experience or am I out there on my own?” We tell her we’ve shed tears jeans shopping.



“I’ve cried too, in vile changing rooms with horrible lighting,” she confides.



And that’s the thing about Kimberley. Within minutes of meeting her, you feel you can tell her anything. She’s the Girls Aloud member who has always seemed one of us. Down to earth, a girls’ girl, a womanly woman, a typical Yorkshire lass. She shares our frustrations and our fears. And while we’ve watched her band mates get skinny, Kimberley has maintained her curves. So is she happy with her body?

SHINE ON

Now this is more like it
Jennifer Lopez adds some sparkle to the Apollo Theater's Spring Benefit Concert in N.Y.C. on Monday, where she and husband Marc Anthony received the Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis Arts and Humanitarian Award. The ceremony also celebrated Aretha

Adams Party

Xtina's true Stripes

How do you deal with the trauma of an order of protection?

Yes, I'm still taking a brief break from my PPD posts here and posting on my current ordeal instead....

But, before I delve more into my stuff, it just occurred to me that it must be an absolute nightmare to be a new mom AND to deal with the devastation of a traumatic divorce. I can't imagine juggling the demands of a newborn while coping with the fear, shock and craziness that comes with divorce. And what if you have to deal with filing a restraining order against your spouse or significant other at the same time? I can't even begin to imagine.

It's difficult enough wading through the court system while trying to find people who can help advocate for you. I've been extremely fortunate to have found an incredible local resource that I never knew existed until I was forced to call upon the police one horrible night this past February. That incident triggered a phone call with the Victim Services Program at my local police department where I discovered amazing advocates (both paid and volunteer staff) who are incredibly knowledgeable and supportive.

These dedicated Victim Services advocates are amazing and heroic in their efforts on behalf of women who are suffering, and who need legal guidance as well as police assistance. I will forever be grateful to Betsy, one of the advocates there who not only held my hand throughout the traumatic Order of Protection filing process, but she also successfully tracked down my ex-husband, Neil Zucconi, in California to have him served with the Order of Protection.

But even with that tremendous support, I have often felt very alone throughout this time. Not because I don't have amazing, caring friends and family supporting me, but because I really don't know others who have gone through this. I never imagined this would happen to me. I never even imagined that I'd ever have to call 911. This wasn't supposed to be part of my life.

But then again, whoever expects this stuff to happen. Things like postpartum depression, cancer, losing your job, death of a loved one, domestic violence, ... you name it. Something devastating can seep insidiously into your life with little or no warning, and there you are. I guess it's all about how you cope....

You can find a lot more about this part of my life on my other blog, http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com.

Making Space for the Truth

Jason-



A follow-up to my last post.



So here is the dilemma…

Organizations (like any social group) require a certain amount of conformity. There are certain rules and policies and norms (implicit and explicit) that you need to follow in order to have membership. The more conformist an organization is, the less it is able to utilize the intangible assets that it has access to…things like the curiosity, creativity, ideas, questions, experiences, perspectives, diversity, passion, etc. that live within its workforce. These things make people stand out and so in a more conformist environment they tend to stay buried.

So.

If an organization wants to minimize conformity in order to harness its intangibles and maximize its ability to learn, adapt, innovate and evolve, how does it do that? Here are some thoughts.

Look for and expect dissent. If you are talking about anything of substance and there is not some disagreement, you should be very concerned. As General Patton said; “If everyone is thinking the same thing, someone is not thinking at all.” This can be a significant blind spot when we are in a position of leadership though, because we start out thinking pretty highly of our own ideas and when everyone around us agrees with them, who are we to see that as problematic?

Teach people how to disagree respectfully. Talk about this starting in the interview process, include it in job descriptions and in performance evaluations, provide training and feedback. Make it a normal and central part of the culture.

Create and support a different kind of leadership. A big part of why this is a problem to begin with is that we have a way of leadership/management that is largely built on being right and owning the truth. This stands in the way of candid conversation, challenging assumptions, and questioning decisions...all of which can be incredibly valuable for an organization.

Crush politics at every chance. The validity, value and necessity of organizational politics are greatly overrated. We have organizational politics to the extent that we do because that is what we tolerate. Be less tolerant. Organizational politics come at great cost as employees end up with truncated identities and trade their passion and ideals in for the rules to the game.

I think the "how do we do it?" question probably has a lot of different answers, but I think that these are a good start.

-joe

Put that Freak Flag Away!

Jason-

Organizations are conformist by nature. Some organizations are really conformist and some not so much, but there is always some degree of conformity...that is true of any social group actually. Conformity is the cost of membership.

Too much conformity can be really, really bad and you can see examples of this ranging from Enron to Nazi Germany. Too much conformity has always been problematic, but conformity in general has become more costly to organizations because of the changes in how we do work and how we create value.

When an organization was just trying to make as many widgets as quickly and cheaply as possible, conformity seemed pretty appealing. When my role as an employee was simply to paint as many of those widgets as I could as quickly and cheaply as possible...my supervisor might not have cared about much else. My supervisor might not have cared about my ideas or questions or other skill sets. Painting. Uniformity. Quickly. Cheaply. That is likely what my supervisor would have cared about.

But today much is different.

Quick and cheap and uniform are opportunities for competitive advantage for almost nobody today. Unfortunately, our way of leadership has not changed in any significant way to reflect the transformation in how we create value today.

Conformity, which had some real benefits 50 years ago is increasingly costly and even dangerous for organizations. Conformity makes it hard to innovate, hard to learn and hard to change and evolve as an organization. It is becoming important to organizations that their employees are able to bring their whole self to work, because their ideas, perspectives, assumptions, questions, etc. are now valuable materials.

I shared a few thoughts about this transformation in Whole People Build Whole Organizations and The Whole Truth. In your post you pointed to a few ways organizations make it hard for us to "bring our whole self to work;" avoiding conflict, not promoting weirdos and companies still thinking they are in control.

I agree with the three things on your list and I think that at their core, each of these things can be boiled down to not understanding the dynamics and the value of difference. I think that difference (or diversity) is likely the most poorly understood thing in the world of business today. It also, in my humble opinion, explains one of the statements toward the end of your post:

"This isn't an issue of self-confidence or even being comfortable in your own skin. I feel relatively far along in both of those areas and yet I consciously pack away parts of my true self when I head into the office every day."

Your self-confidence might be fine and you might love your own skin. But you know, as everyone else knows, that standing out can be costly. Unfortunately most of us tend to see difference as a threatening or negative thing rather than a valuable thing (especially in the organizational context)...conversely, most of us spend a lot of time, and a lot of energy trying to fit in. The more we work to fit in, the less authentic we are as we have to truncate our true identities to look, talk, walk, dress, smell and think the way everyone else does.

So, what do we do about it? I will tackle that in another post.

-joe

X-T-I-N-A LOVE

Christina Aguilera brought the HOUSE DOWN at the MTV Movie Awards with this EPIC performance of a Bionic album medley! THIS is the kind of performance that makes XTINA a true diva among a pop industry full of amateurs and frauds!!!

Bringing Yourself to Work

Joe,

Do you bring your full self to work?  This is a question that I know we are both very interested in because the answer to this question is so often "no" for some many of us, and yet the reasons underlying this answer are so complicated.

I've been meaning to write a post on this subject for some time, but hadn't committed to do it until I saw Trish McFarlane's clever post this weekend titled Embrace the Real You which detailed her journey to the eventual purchase of a minivan.  Her post talked about the fact that she had get comfortable with who she was before she could give up her sports car and replace it with a minivan.

I think that you and I would probably both agree that an ideal workplace would be one where people could bring their full self to work.  I also think we'd probably both agree that this type of workplace is an idealized pipe dream that doesn't actually exist.  Therein lies the problem.  Why is it that workplaces require us to edit, censor and limit what parts of our self we bring along when we show up each day?

One of the things that makes this so utterly complicated is that we, as human beings, are rarely quite sure of what our true self looks like.  As Trish outlines in her post, her reluctance with buying a mininvan came from an internal struggle to embrace who she really is.  Since this is a common struggle and since we are constantly evolving and changing as people, it could be very difficult for anyone to decide what version of themselves is the real and authentic self that they'd want to showcase to the world if they had such an opportunity.  But, let's put this aside for the time being and talk about what might be going on at work that prevents us from being ourself when we go there.

Here are a few observations about what I see going on in companies that are contributing to this problem.

1. We fear conflict.  This is why we are trained never to talk about politics, religion or sports at work.  These discussions inevitably lead to disagreement and debate, so we are told to just flat out avoid the topic at all cost.  So, if you are deeply religious, political or a sports fanatic, keep that to yourself because that would just make others uncomfortable if you talk about this part of yourself.
2. We don't promote weirdos.  Intentionally or not, most corporate cultures have strong immune systems that weed out those who are different.  In a law firm, it's the person with pink hair who's the weirdo.  At a creative ad firm, it might be the person who wears a suit to work.  If you want to get promoted, you need to fit in.  If you stick out, it's probably going to cost you.  
3. Companies still think they are in control.  For the past fifty or sixty years, conditions within the US workforce have enabled a situation where companies have been able to get away with doing what was in their best interest, often at the expense of their employees.  The result is an expectation that to have a job at company A, you must figure out how to fit in at company A--to become a company A man or woman.  But, if you decide to move to company B, you need to learn a whole new way of being (talking, dressing, acting, etc.) in order to fit in there.  So, the message to employees has long been this: it's not who you are that matters, it's how well you can adapt and fit in at our company that really counts.  

This isn't an issue of self-confidence or even being comfortable in your own skin.  I feel relatively far along in both of those areas and yet I consciously pack away parts of my true self when I head into the office every day.

Do you share my concern on this issue?  If so, what you see being the leading culprits in why this exists?  And, the million dollar question, what do we do about it?  

Looking forward to your thoughts.  

Jason

Building the right kind of Container

Jason-

Thanks for the great list on increasing our capacity to work with and through conflict. Good stuff and very actionable. There is only one thing that I would add to this list and it is really a pretty common theme in our work and in our ongoing discussions. I think that the nature of our relationships is probably a large variable in the capacity for those relationships to withstand and actually benefit from some conflict and tension.

One thing that every single one of us can do, regardless of our role or title, regardless of our education or amount of experience is make a greater effort to develop and maintain real and resilient relationships…relationships strong enough to tolerate a bit of conflict. We have talked a fair amount about social capital in this space and I think that it is a dead horse worth beating.

Conflict, tension, and dissent are not bad things necessarily…in fact they can be very good things. They can be a sign that people are awake, paying attention and actually give a shit about something. They can be a sign that people are willing to be honest…which unfortunately is not terribly common in my experience.

If you want the benefit of that honesty and those different perspectives, you have to create the right kind of container. If you cannot create that container, then conflict is likely to break things pretty quickly. Your list is a great way to go about building that container, as is an overall focus on building strong relationships.

-joe