This week, Kimberly and Anya are still reeling from being in the bottom and making horrible outfits. Anya says now, there is no room for mistakes which inevitably means she's gonna screw up at some point. They meet with Heidi the following day and with seven designers left, she asks if anyone is surprised they are still in the competition. Naturally, all the egotistical designers are like, "No, bitch please!" and then Bert is like, "...a little?" It's pretty funny. I like new funny Bert. I wish he'd been around all season instead of just arriving last week. Tim Gunn and Heather Archibald, head apparel buyer for Piperlime.com are in the workroom to tell them that their next challenge will be a "sophisticated seventies" theme. Heather Archibald has amazing blue eyes, but she is also wearing these ridiculous feather earrings that I assume are in style but look moronic. Anthony Ryan is like, "Holy shit, we just did a seventies challenge and it was a total disaster," and that what I'm sayin' man! I suppose this week is a little different because a) it's not menswear and, b) it's supposed to be sophisticated as opposed to rock and roll. But still. Redundant!
All the designers immediately start planning out their maxi dresses and plaid skirts and billowy blouses and wide-legged pants. Tim stresses again that this is not vintage or retro, this is sophisticated, because God knows they all made hippie Halloween costumes last time. They only have $100 for their Mood shopping, which seems pretty low budget considering they need things like tweed or chiffon. Bert is all over this shit, but Josh is struggling for ideas because he "doesn't know the seventies that well" since he "didn't live in the seventies." Um. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. So you have to actually experience every design you create? That's super. You're an idiot, Josh. Anya says some stuff about Jamaica and Carnival and the seventies and it doesn't really make sense to me, but she's pretty and her accent just makes me nod in a sleepy, happy way.
The designers get to Mood and start grabbing crazy awesome prints and it's all fun and whatnot and then: TRAGEDY. Anya has lost her money. She literally has lost her envelope of money. Because she is wearing a dress, she'd stuffed the envelope in her top but it falls out somewhere in the bustle. They have five minutes left. The entire Mood staff furiously helps her look, but it is gone, gone, goneskies. Poor thing. According to the rules, if you lose you're money it's too bad for you, so she can only depend on the generosity of other designers to get anything. This might've worked out better another week, but considering their tiny $100 budget, almost no one has any extra money. Tim says she can only use leftover cash from other people and muslin back in the workroom, so she's looking pretty fucked. Anthony Ryan saves the day with $11.50, which affords Anya a bit of fabric, some buttons and a zipper. She's crying. It's sad.
Tim points out again that this is a modern seventies challenge, so it needs to be fashion forward. The winner gets their garment sold on Piperlime.com, so it also needs to be realistically marketable. They all get to work and Josh sort of floats around the room, looking at what everyone else is doing. He tells us again that he isn't familiar with "this type of seventies," and he is more into the glam era. Just say David Bowie, Josh, we all know that's what you mean. Viktor notes that Josh is not really someone he trusts and he doesn't want to help him. Viktor is just full of not wanting to help today, isn't he? It is pretty funny when he says, "No more driving you, Miss Daisy!" Oh, gays. But I see his point: Josh does seem to be circling the workroom for ideas to steal. Meanwhile, Anya is dyeing muslin in an attempt to make it look less like dryer sheets and more like fabric. Kimberly's look, on the other hand, is "JC Pennys" according to Laura. Her attempt at a "sexy secretary" is just looking "nine to five." She and Anya think they should tell her she's gone off track. Viktor is like NO, NO HELPING SHUT UP HELP IS FOR LOSERS, but the three remaining ladies made a pact to look out for one another. That's cute. Except they choose not to tell her. Go sisterhood!
Bert is making the fugliest effing thing I've seen in a while. He's like, "Studio 54 all the way, baby!" and I think all the sequins he's using are giving him an acid flashback. This does not look very fashion forward or sophisticated to me. Meanwhile, he's telling thinly veiled blowjob jokes and dancing around his mannequin. Oh, Bert. But then: DRAH-MAHH. It seems like Viktor wasn't being paranoid, because Josh now has the exact inverted pleat down the back of his top as Viktor's jacket. Which he made first. Everyone is like, "oh snap!" but Viktor don't give a shit, y'all. To quote: "You copy me all you want gurl, it ain't gonna be the same, oh-kay?" Then he finger-snaps. Just kidding. And then Tim brings MORE DRAH-MAH. They have $50 to make a second look, which must be a one-piece (no separates). Hey, at least Anya will now have $61.50 for two outfits? She pins her envelope to her top this time. Hee!
Once they're in the final stretch, Tim meets with the designers. Anthony Ryan is a little lost. His shit looks busted, to be honest. Tim says as much. Bert has recreated Heather Graham's wardrobe from Boogie Nights and Josh is a complete hot mess. He talks all this nonsense about his inspirations and Tim is like, how about less bullshit and make a nice outfit, mmmkay? Except of course he is extremely polite about it. His meeting with Laura is a little more harsh. Tim tells her flat out that she should be aware that Nina Garcia has it out for her. She just doesn't like her taste level. It's nice of Tim to give her a head's up, but it seems a little unprofessional? It also seems unhelpful at this point, because Nina's already made up her mind and Laura can't change her entire aesthetic to please one judge every week. All it accomplishes is making Laura paranoid. Plus, I mean - Nina Garcia seems to hate everyone? All the time? Am I wrong?
Viktor's made a pretty chic grey pantsuit and damn, that guy is good at jackets. But it's Anya who really blows me away. Her first look - the one she put together for $11.50 and some dyed muslin - isn't the world's greatest, but it's pretty damn excellent when you consider her situation. Her second look is a completely stunning jumpsuit. Damn. I can see any of this being sold for way more than what she spent. This girl is innovative as hell. Kimberly is deemed safe. In the bottom are Josh (duh), Anthony and Laura, because Nina wants to cut a bitch. Honestly, Laura's looks aren't the greatest but sheesh. Her grey jumper is quite nice! She gets criticized for making things that are "too now" like, how she's made a maxi skirt. I'm sorry, wasn't the entire point of this challenge to sell something on Piperlime.com that is currently fashionable and related to the popular seventies revival? Because I'd like them to count just how many maxi skirts are in stores right now since, I don't know, that is the current seventies revival that you told them to make. Ugh. Sometimes these judges make me want to throw things. They also like Bert's, which just boggles.Why? Why do you like hookers!? But Anya wins! Yay! How cool for her! Her jumpsuit will be sold on Piperlime.com. Additionally, Bert's stupid toga thing will be sold on Piperlime.com, because they liked it so much. Um, whatever.
It's really Josh who gets demolished. Michael Kors says, "The plaid pants should be against every fashion law of nature in any decade," and Heidi describes it as "one of the worst outfits she has seen in a long time." Then he makes it worse by being argumentative. He mentions they don't have enough time to make quality clothing while standing next to Viktor and his impeccably tailored pantsuit. Moron. But then, they're all "But we like that you take risks!" which I hate, because taking risks is not the same as making ugly shit. As the judges deliberate, Josh does his whole "I wasn't alive during the seventies" dance again, and Viktor is like, almost none of us were, but I know popular culture, you dickface. Honestly. The judges also hate Anthony Ryan's and yeah, they kinda suck. One-liner Kors calls them "hippie sister wives," which is kind of true, although I think it's a little overboard when Nina says they belong in the Manson family. But in an effort to seriously piss me off, they send Anthony Ryan home instead of Josh. I guess supremely disgusting is still better than kind of boring? How idiotic. Tim Gunn cries. You know every time Tim Gunn cries, a puppy dies? I hate you, judges.
