Well dessert lovers, we've made it. It's the Top Chef Just Desserts finale. In celebration, Gail Simmons has decided to withhold all puns, and for this I am eternally grateful. As the chefs get ready for their final challenge, we learn how they're feeling. Matthew wants to jump up and down a lot. Chris really misses his wife and daughter. And Sally? Well, Sally doesn't have a spouse or little babies at home. Sally has nothing. Nothing! She is a barren wasteland of loneliness. It's just Sally and her job, folks. She's hoping that she will win so that it will validate all the decisions she's made. Silly Sally, the only thing that can validate a woman is a man and a baby! You fail at life! For real though, she's kind of sad.
In the kitchen, Gail and my future husband Johnny Iuzzini are waiting for them. Johnny congratulates them for making it this far and he looks really cute. I'm just saying. Gail lays out their Elimination Challenge: they have to make a ton of stuff. Specifically an entremet cake, a bread, bon bons, a showpiece and one more "very special" item. What does that mean? Johnny Iuzzini explains that he remembers making his mother's last birthday cake before she died, which was very special to him. Then he gets choked up and my ovaries explode. The chefs will have to do the same - no, not explode my ovaries! They have to create a final plated dessert for someone special in their lives. Uh oh! Sally doesn't have anyone special in her life, remember? She is alone, alone, alone. Maybe she can make a cake for her Kitchenaid Mixer.
To help are three old chef guys who are all French and apparently very big deals. They are Stephane Treand, Jacques Torres and Sebastien Trannone and yes, I had to look that up. These chefs all carry the prestigious title of MOF, which I guess means they completed sort of grueling pastry competition. I don't really know what that would entail and they don't really explain it, but Google tells me that it makes you a "Best Craftsman of France," or something. Sure thing! Each chef picks out a French Master of the Universe of their very own and I would mention who they are working with, but I have no idea who they are. But hey, they're helping. Everyone gets a kick out of how helpful they are, actually. These world class chefs are chopping and washing the dishes and stuff. It's kind of sweet.
Sally is pretty concerned about her showpiece, since it's not something she's very comfortable with. She's used to concentrating on flavor, see. Flavor is what counts, not some stupid showpiece that Sally maybe can't pull off! Honestly, Sally keeps going on and on about her ability. She doesn't make cupcakes like the corner bakery, blah blah blah. This has to be edited, right? Whatever. Matthew feels like he's the underdog, especially since he's a chef in a restaurant while Sally and Chris have won competitions. I didn't realize that being a pastry chef was such a sport? Is it? I mean, I think it's a pretty big deal to be a chef in a restaurant but maybe it's like being a dancer on a cruise ship compared to winning a competitive ballroom title. Or something. I don't know!
The following day, all the eliminated chefs are there! Even the ones no one wants to see and all the people I forgot about. How exciting! Each of the contestants will get two sous chefs and Sally immediately starts eyeing Orlando. Well, it looks like someone found a way to get a showpiece made after all, doesn't it? The catch is that they have to randomly draw their first helper - they can only choose the second. Matthew draws Megan and chooses Carlos; Chris draws Crying Rebecca and chooses Amanda; Sally draws Van and chooses Orlando. Van is some schmuck who was eliminated in the second episode. I wrote about it and I don't even remember him. But she kind of lucked out with Orlando, so I call it a draw. Sally's dishes will be inspired by her mother and sister, who are related to her and therefore special even though she probably shut them out years ago to pursue her dreams and shit. She doesn't trust this Van guy at all, so she basically makes him her bitch while Orlando builds the showpiece. Hilariously, Sally says she wants the showpiece to display "femininity" and really show "that she made it," even though she kinda didn't at all.
Chris has also decided that he doesn't trust Gimpy Crying Rebecca, so he doesn't let her do anything. This sous chef thing is really working out, huh? He is making two types of bon bons and will decide which he likes better, while Matthew is making some with key lime pie because it's his wife's favorite. I would imagine Sally would be good at bon bons because she eats them alone on her couch a lot and cries while Grey's Anatomy is on. As the day comes to a close, the showpieces are looking pretty nice. Matthew comments that Chris's is fucking amazing and so is Orlando's- er, Sally's. Hee! Tell it, Matthew! Sally recognizes that she hasn't done jack on the showpiece, but she's too busy screwing up the level of mousse in her entremet to care. But I guess it works out. I don't know. After she gets all rage-y, the subject is basically dropped. Luckily, the showpieces are not dropped, even though they have to move them by hand. Nerve wracking!
Damn, there are a lot of judges. Including the regular judges and the three French MOFs, there are like another half dozen important people there. Sheesh. Chris's showpiece is stunning, y'all. Just stunning. Matthew's also looks pretty nice - not as nice, but nice. It's also worth noting that he made a sugar piece. His bon bons include a key lime ganache and speculoos. Gail does not know what a speculoos is! Neither do I, but Matthew helpfully explains that it's like a cookie dough. This is a relief, because it kind of sounds like "speculum," and that's really something I don't want to relate to desserts. Everyone seems to like Matthew's work. Sally's also got an amazing showpiece, which she didn't make. My future husband Johnny Iuzzini likes the colors, because pretty colors are pretty. Sally's remade entremet goes over well and she is relieved. Chris's showpiece is starting to fall apart a little. Oh no! He makes his case by reminding them that he actually made his, and I wonder if the judges understand that's a dig at Sally and Orlando. Whatever, it's true. Despite the breaking pieces, everyone loves Chris's work. This looks like a tight competition, you guys.
But we're still not done! Now it's time to serve their "special" plated desserts. Oh my God, that useless chick judge? I still haven't bothered to learn her name. She's really stupid. Just an observation. They all enjoy the plated desserts and it seems like Sally comes out on top there. Gail thanks all the contestants and comments that it's not every day she gets a feast like that. Except for Gail, it kind of is. Bitch. At judge's table, everyone reiterates how much they enjoyed Matthew's key lime ganache and
It comes down to Sally and Chris. Johnny can't get over the fact that she didn't actually make her showpiece. Dumb chick judge thinks it was "good strategy" and it really looks like Johnny wants to slap a ho. He thinks it's more like cheating, although he doesn't actually use that word. But I will: it's cheating. So there. After lots of discussion (seriously, it goes on forever) they decide Chris is the winner. He cries and gets sprayed with champagne and says he can't wait to hug and kiss his wife and daughter. Even if you were Team Sally (was anyone?) you can't really argue with a guy who just won a wad of cash to pay for his sick kid's medical bills, right? Oh, you can? Heartless jerks. See you next season!
