, I was fairly hopeful that we were starting to get past all this in-fighting and actually getting into some real good designing. Guess what? That was stupid of me. Considering this episode is called "Can't We All Just Get Along?" and begins with a montage of Bert and Josh M. being horrible to everyone, my hopes are no longer very high.And of course, we begin this episode with Josh M. ranting about how last week should have been his win. Um, no it shouldn't have. Shut up. Heidi tells the designers that their next challenge will be two groups of five, and the round of agonizing groans in response is actually hilarious. Heidi says that while this is a team challenge, there are no leaders. They must all work together, equally. Anthony won last week, so he gets to choose his first team member, and of course he chooses Anya because he's no fool. Josh M.'s name is pulled out of Heidi's evil bag of tricks as the first member of the opposing team, and he immediately asks if this means he gets to be leader. Um. No. Moron. She just said no team leaders. Even Heidi looks like he wants to smack him. Basically what happens next is the worst possible team ever is assembled: Josh M., Laura, Becky, Bert and poor Kimberly. Bert is naturally picked last and only out of necessity. He doesn't seem surprised, because I guess he's tuned into the fact that this season might as well be called Everybody Hates Bert.
But it's the textile challenge! And Betsy Johnson is there! I love her! The challenge this week is awesome and intimidating - they have to assemble a full five-look collection featuring their own textiles, developed using all their HP technology. They drop the letters H and P so many times, I feel like I'm watching Sesame Street
. They even make Betsy say it, and she's crazy. This collection has to prominently feature the textiles they design in at least three looks and they must create an entire show: backdrop movie, music and all. Awesome. The planning sessions start and hey, guess what? Josh & co. are not getting along. Shocking, I know. They are all over the place with like, every horrible idea you could imagine. These include, but are not limited to: sea amoeba, the circus, gritty (whatever that means, shut up Boring Becky), and a glam version of The Village People
. Yep. For real, that actually happened. It's Josh's idea, of course, and Bert looks like he's going to puke. I feel ya, Bert. Then Laura and Josh get into a fight over whether or not a fireman was in The Village People. Becky and Kimberly look like they're going to puke, too. Time keeps passing. They only have 30 minutes to plan. Honestly, this is painful.They decide on the theme of time or and clocks or something. They call themselves Team Nuts and Bolts, which is the only clever thing they've said so far. Josh, much like the honey badger, don't give a shit about anything. As he tells it, in a few weeks he'll be at Fashion Week and he'll be "flying solo" and also "by himself." I'm glad he took the time to made it clear what solo means. That was helpful.
Team Chaos, which has all the sane and normal people, are doing great. They are working together wonderfully and their line and designs are already coming together cohesively. Team Nuts and Bolts are so fucked. Bert's textile won't print and he mutters something about, "so much for my fucking clocks," which okay. Here's the thing. Bert does do a whole lot of under the breath muttering. But Josh? HE WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. He tells us, with his shirt unbuttoned down to his naval, that he thinks people who use swear words are unintelligent. Well, thank you Mr. Saturday Night Fever for that insight on intellectualism. I think you're a fucking dumbass. Also you pronounce "integral" incorrectly. So there. Everyone on this team wants to die. Josh freaks out, like full on Level Orange freakout. Over nothing. It goes on and on. His face gets really red and his eyes get buggy. I feel uncomfortable. My lord.
So...clocks. After Josh's meltdown, they all realize that "clocks" is not actually a theme. It becomes "girl on the move." This turns into Josh filming a lot of scenes of Laura in high heels getting in and out of taxis. It's completely idiotic. Bryce and Viktor of Team Chaos go to Times Square to film a blur of chaotic footage. Because they're not idiotic. Team Chaos is, ironically, the least chaotic team ever. It's like little chirping cartoon birds are going to help them sew their dresses later, it's such an ideal team. Anya comes up with the awesome idea to use kaleidoscope-style effects in their film and it looks badass.
But guess what? Josh wants to apologize! He thinks he was unfair to his team by being a massive prick to everyone, and especially to Bert. Bert is naturally skeptical of how genuine this all is, but hey. At least he did it, right? Just kidding, he's still an asshole. The following day, their textiles are in. Team Chaos has some interesting stuff, while Nuts and Bolts have...numbers, bolts and graffiti. I don't understand how graffiti fits in to the theme of time or whatever, but I'm not sure any of them understand what their theme is, so. There's that problem, too. It says stuff you see at an airport, like "Delayed" and "Cancelled." Stuuupid. Over a meal, Anya tells Laura frankly that they don't look like they have their shit together. Except she says it politely and with that lovely accent. I'll bet she could tell Laura to die in a fire and it would sound lovely. They discuss Becky's outfit which, by the way, is completely fugly. They are not wrong. It's lame and boring and cheap looking. Becky, naturally, walks in and gets all pissed that they're talking about her. Even though Becky, my god. Your design sucks.Tim thinks so, too. Actually, Tim thinks that Team Nuts and Bolts is in big trouble. He senses how at odds they are with each other and while a couple of their pieces are nice, nothing is coming together. This is not a collection. Then the good Reverend Gunn makes them all join hands and vow to listen and cooperate. Seriously. Anthony's face as he watches this spectacle is priceless. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck, indeed.
Cue the sob story about Josh. Cue the tears. I really do feel for him, losing his mom, but you know what? Bad things happen to people. That's not a get out of jail free card to treat everyone like garbage. And no, I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but I think everyone has their shit. And you can't use your personal issues as the excuse for being mean to people forever. The next day seems to go more smoothly and Team Nuts and Bolts feels more confident, but methinks the damage is done.
On the runway, Team Chaos kills it. The collection is cohesive, the prints are great, the designs are awesome (especially Anya's and Olivier's very slowly made jacket) and the video turned out amazing. They are obviously the winning team. Olivier's jacket is deemed the most well tailored item in Project Runway history. Team Nuts and Bolts? Not so much. Their prints suck. Their film is stupid. The designs, for the most part, are awful. The judges slaughter them. Why is Rose Byrne there as a judge? I don't get it. But she hates them, too. You hear that, Josh? Even Rose Byrne hates you. The judges can see their unhappiness through the clothes - the collection is disjointed and sloppy. Most team members point to Josh for disrupting their ability to work well, but most also agree that Becky's outfit is uninspired and lame.
In the end, Anya wins! Yay! Josh and Becky are in a stand-off for crappiest version of crap, and Becky loses, because as Michael Kors says, no woman wants "Delayed" and "Cancelled" written on her crotch. And she lacks any design in her design. "She can sew, but this isn't Project Seamstress!" says Kors. Oh, Michael, you and your one-liners! I can't say I'm glad to see Josh stick around but, man. Becky kind of blows. Bye, Boring Becky!
