I've been accused of being a "Kim K hater," but I promise, I'm not. I'm just as likely to get sucked into a Keeping Up with the Kardashians
marathon on E! as the next gal. I have to admit, I find them all pretty enjoyable and entertaining. And with the exception of Kris Jenner, who I think is a total hag who martyrs herself as if she actually has a real job or makes any sacrifices whatsoever shut the fuck up Kris Jenner - uh, right, sorry. Like I was saying, I don't think they're too bad. As like, people. Honestly!Alright, maybe Kourtney is kind of a bitch (and apparently she doesn't have her sisters' taste for tall dark and handsome athletes, but enjoys scrawny white alcoholic douchebags instead - but hey, it's her life) and maybe Rob has ridden the sister fame train a little too long. But generally, their over the top, ridiculous "problems" make me laugh.
My issue with the Kardashians is this: they are overexposed. I blame Kris Jenner, but I also blame E! Entertainment. Kris, for obvious reasons, and E! because they happen to be the entertainment news channel and just happen to also produce the Kardashians' show. So naturally, it's like a 24-hour news cycle of all the K's - plus Rob, and occasionally poor, neglected Bruce. It was not "the wedding of the century." They are not "the royals of America." They are not even, technically, anything. Except - they are everything. Because if you think about it, they're everywhere. They've all, at some point, attempted every sort of career. A kind person might call them entrepreneurs. Others might say talentless rich people who have too much time and money on their hands. This is where today's story comes in.
Between fitness wear and perfumes and diet pills and clothing stores and club openings and modeling shoots, at one point Kim Kardashian
thought it would be a good idea to have a music career as well. Hell, why not, right? Everybody has a fucking single! Didn't Lindsay Lohan
and Paris Hilton
both have albums? Well shit, if Countess Luann can have two singles, so can Kim fucking Kardashian! Right? Wrong.Her single "Jam (Turn It Up)" was created (I use the word "created" in the technical sense, as in it was manufactured - I'm sure no actual creativity went into it) and then tossed aside, thankfully forgotten and discarded. But naturally, a snippet of the single and it's official video teaser have leaked. Spoiler: it's fucking terrible. She's covered in like, baby oil or something. She's practically naked. The extreme shots of her boobs and ass are angled so closely and oddly, it's hard to tell what's going on. What are these greasy, shiny orbs being shoved in our faces? She's crawling. There's a lot of slow motion lip licking. And then there's the completely fantastic vag-from-behind shot, where she bends over to show us Kim's Kamel Toe. Excellent.
Kim, honey, you've come full circle. Isn't this how your career got started, with your crotch all over the web? And now here you are, still glowing from your post-honeymoon bliss...or maybe you're just covered in baby oil again. Not sure. Take a look!