Does PPD end?

I was just reading some blogs written by women who are suffering from PPD and one of them asked if PPD ever goes away. Just that one statement brought a rush of memories. I remember that feeling so well -- like you're in this tunnel that keeps getting smaller and darker, with no light in sight. When I was in the throes of PPD, I couldn't even remember what it was like to feel good. I couldn't remember what "normal" was. And I couldn't imagine being that way ever again.

But PPD does end. You do reach light and leave the tunnel. Some women crawl out of the tunnel on their own. Others are lifted up and carried out by their family or friends. But it does end.

In my situation, it was a little of both. I crawled and at the same time leaned on those around me who offered their unconditional love and support. The thing that began to shatter the darkness was knowledge. I was so horribly ill and yet had no idea what was wrong with me. Beginning on the day I came home from the hospital with my beautiful baby daughter, my world started disintegrating. I was hit with intense nausea, worse than any morning sickness ever was. I experienced seemingly endless vomiting and diarrhea and quickly lost my "baby" fat and any reserves I had. I was dizzy the second I tried to lift my head off my pillow. When I did make it out of bed, I often fainted. I gave up breastfeeding my daughter after a week because every time I brought her to my breast, I had to run for the toilet. By the second week I was in complete dispair. Not only did I have my newborn daughter to care for, I also had a 13-month-old son! I was an instant and utter failure, not being able to even get out of bed.

My obstetrician was on maternity leave, so the doctor filling in for her sent me to a gastroenterologist since my symptoms were mainly G.I.-related. This particular doctor was supposedly the best G.I. specialist in Dallas. He checked me over thoroughly (colonoscopy, endoscopy, etc., etc.) for cancer ---- countless tests and two 3-day hospitalizations later, he was done with me. He could find nothing wrong with me and literally threw his hands up and shrugged at me.

By this time, my daughter was 3 months old. I was unable to be a mom, a wife, much less a healthy person. I couldn't drive anywhere. I couldn't keep food down. I couldn't do anything but lay in bed. I wanted to die.

During my last hospital stay, a nurse quietly suggested that I read a book called "Postpartum Survival Guide" by Anne Dunnewold. I didn't know much at all about PPD and was stunned to think that I might have it. I didn't realize I was depressed.

My parents had responded to my situation by cutting me off -- they chose a "tough love" stance because they thought being sick was all my choice.... that I was lazy or simply unwilling to function as a mom. Even though they told relatives not to help me, an aunt wasn't willing to let me suffer without help. I told her about the book recommended by the nurse and she agreed that PPD could be a possibility. I read every page of the book and saw my story in its pages. I couldn't believe it. My aunt encouraged me to get into therapy and offered to help me with child care so that I could get out of the house. I called the book's author, Anne Dunnewold, a psychologist who happened to have an office in Dallas. Although she was completely booked six months out, when she heard my story she agreed to see me within the week. That meeting changed my life. Anne not only suggested medication to help me get out of the tunnel, she also suggested yoga. I started taking Prozac, signed up for a weekly yoga class, and remained in therapy for a year, although my PPD symptoms magically disappeared within a couple of weeks of seeing Anne that first time.

It was the knowledge of PPD that empowered me. I finally had a name for what was wrong with me. At that point I knew my life wasn't over. It was the support of my aunt that helped me get to therapy. It was the combination of therapy, medication and yoga that saved my life.

For anyone who is suffering from PPD, I promise you that you can get better. Don't lose hope. You will get your life back. I did, and not only that, I had a subsequent pregnancy and never experienced PPD again. Knowledge is everything ---- PPD is absolutely preventable.

FREE PPD support phone sessions!

PSI offers FREE sessions via 800 line every Wednesday!

This is a wonderful, free resource that I think would be helpful to so many new mothers out there, as well as their spouses, family and friends. Please check it out.

Postpartum Support International is now offering free Perinatal Mood Disorder Informational sessions via 800 teleconference line. The sessions are open to women who feel they may be suffering from a pregnancy related mood disorder, as well as to concerned family and friends. Callers will have the opportunity to ask questions and obtain information from PSI healthcare professionals. This new program started Wednesday, May 2, 2007, at 3pm eastern standard time and will continue weekly on Wednesdays, alternating between 3pm and 9pm eastern standard time. The sessions are limited to the first 15 callers.

Participants must call 1-800-944-8766 five minutes before the call begins. After the 15th caller joins the call, no other callers may join.

This is a tremendous resource!! Check www.postpartum.net for dates, times and facilitators.

woman overcomes PPP -- what about those who don't?

I was just reading an article in Mothering magazine about a woman who overcame PPP (postpartum psychosis). Her story was very enlightening, but scary to read about how much she lost it at times. It was stunning to see the photos of her, ranging from the "before," while she was in the midst of suffering/ravaged by PPP to later when she was recovered, happy and glowing. I suppose I should have felt glad that her story ended with a happy ending; that she received the help she needed, recovered, and has moved on and now has two extremely cute kids aged 2 and 4. But, honestly, by the end of the article I just felt very, very sad. Even as I looked at her blissful family "after" photos, I felt haunted by the unknown faces of all those mothers who didn't make it like she did. All those women who weren't surrounded by a loving, supportive family and/or friends who could spot the danger signs and seek help. Because if you don't have some kind of support system in place before you have a baby -- if you don't have anyone to advocate for you and help you get help, you're pretty much doomed. It's great that there's this well-written article that is out there spreading awareness of PPP by telling the story of one survivor. But what about Andrea Yates and all the other countless women and babies who don't survive PPP? I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where no one has to suffer from this insidious, monstrous disorder.

PPD is preventable -- spread the word

Even though it's been eleven years since I battled postpartum depression, at times I still feel like I carry its remnants around with me. And sometimes I wonder if my daughter does too. Maybe deep down, on some subconscious level, a part of her remembers the beginning of her life when I wasn't there for her. I wonder if she would be at all different if my postpartum had been different. One thing I do know is that I will do everything I can to ensure that neither of my daughters go through that insidious kind of depression. Because it is completely preventable. That's the tragedy of it -- with something like 40% (and I suspect that percentage is way low) of new mother's experiencing postpartum depression, the reality is that they didn't even need to suffer from it in the first place. That's enough to make one totally depressed.